Inciting Racism

Another article read that can do nothing but incite problems.

The first article I saw when I opened up my Yahoo browser today was "Bill O'Reilly says 'the left wants power taken away from the white establishment'".

This is not what America is supposed to be!  The article was bad enough to incite anger, but the comments ... is this really how the far right feels?  That females, non-whites, non-Christians are a problem, that we should all bow down to the white male Christian?

I know many people who are on the right, and I've never heard such bologna from any of them.  Is this words that they are afraid to say?  I truly would hope not.

Guess what?  This country was built on the backs of immigrants, women, and minorities, all of whom have contributed to this country.  There should be no question that they deserve just as much of a say in what makes this country as anyone else.

In 2008, when the presidential race was Romney vs. Obama, I was excited.  Want to know why?  Because, I truly believed we had come so far as a country.  I believed that, for once, that the race was putting aside religion and race, and that we would be able to look at the actual policies and principals of the individuals.  At first, after the 2008 election, it looked like that was true.  But, as the years went on, I heard more about race and religious issues than I had ever heard in my adult life.  Now, it seems that race is becoming an even bigger issue, and it's one that makes me fearful for my friends and neighbors.  I will continue to raise my children that there people are people regardless of color of their skin or the house of worship they attend.  I will not succumb to this racist anger that is being perpetrated.

If this far right that is now to be in charge of this fine country of ours wants to accomplish anything, then the first thing that has to happen is address this part of their constituency.  To address the fact that yes, there is white privileged, and find ways to ensure that all people in this country are represented.  I truly hope that this is not how Mr. Trump feels.  I fear that it may be, but I still have hope that as he faces the responsibilities of being president and representative of such a diverse country that he will look and see the accomplishments of it, and will see the injustices that have been carried out.

Quiet for Too Long

I moved to Florida, life seemed to fall apart, and I shut my mouth.

I didn't talk often about what was important to me, I felt unimportant.

Why?

I was no longer a valuable, contributing member of society.  Or, so I thought.

I needed public assistance and was completely embarrassed.  After all, isn't that what happens to those who don't take care of their responsibilities?  Aren't food stamps for "slackers".  Obamacare is for people who don't work, isn't it?  The answer to all of these questions is a resounding "NO".

I did not want to bring attention to myself and my family, so I kept my mouth shut.

Well, the time has come... I am going to open my mouth.  I am going to speak about what is important to myself and my family.

By keeping my mouth shut and not speaking up, I have added to the problem.  I added to the misconception of the poor being uneducated and not worthy.

My children and I worked hard together.  It may have been me bringing in the paycheck, but they contributed.  They got along when we had no where to live but a two bedroom apartment.  They smiled when I knew they were sad that Momma said, "We are going to Salvation Army for school clothes.  We have to save."

Today, we have moved out of that situation.  Things are still tough, and they will be for a long time.  But, it is time for this Momma to stop hiding in a cave for fear of what the rest of the world thinks, and saying what is important.

Prison Should Not Be Relief from Child Support

This morning, I read an article through Yahoo News entitled "Prison Is No Relief From Child Support".  The article talks about a move to require states to reduce the amount of child support owed by an incarcerated parent.

Whatever a person's feelings are on the incarcerated parent, or the parent who is not incarcerated and is carrying for any children, it does not diminish the needs of the child.  Having a parent in jail is hard on children.  Now, let's make it a little harder.

As a parent who is owed back child support, I can say, it hurts terribly.  I am not going to allow my child to suffer for it though.  I also know that eventually, I will see that child support.  It's already as if I am giving the other parent an interest free loan for his portion of raising our child.

Now, let's take that a step farther, if he was to commit a crime and end up in jail, that should be on him.  It should not be for me,  I should not be penalized if he committed a crime.

The article says that all the responsible parent wants is some type of reimbursement.  But, if there is to be a settlement made, then let me have a word in it.  What if, as the other parent who is all of the sudden not receiving their child support, debt is incurred.  They may well be dependent on knowing that eventually the amount owed them is going to be paid.  That light at the end of the tunnel, that somehow, someday, it will come.  I know for me, that light has been a beacon in the past.

There is another side to this as well, and that is the side of those who do make their child support payments faithfully.  Who care about their children and do everything they can to care for them.  What about all those great parents out there that put their kids first, that make sure that their children are cared for?  Committing a crime and being send to jail is completely a voluntary underemployment issue.  By reducing the amount of child support on those who commit criminal acts, is rewarding those ill acts, it is also devaluing the good parents out there who will do anything to care for their children.

I have a great amount of respect for parents on both sides of the fence out there.  There should be respect for those who are on the receiving end of child support and for those who pay child support.  These parents should not be disrespected and devalued by such regulations.  Regulations such as this only will hurt good parents out there and reward criminals.

To My Gaming Son ...

This morning, my son shared a YouTube video with me about "10 Things Gamers' Parents Need To Know".

Here's my response ...

Mom speaking here ... I'm pretty good with most of this, but I wish there were some things that gamers knew... My biggest is, dinner is served every night at roughly the same time,please don't start a new game or something that you can't walk away with before dinner.  No one likes cold dinner.  I haven't sat down since I got home from work, the least you can do is come to the table.  Periodically, I will let you eat at your desk, but that is not an everyday thing. Bedtime is bedtime, yes, I realize you can't pause.  No, I don't care if you get kicked from the game for a period of time.  I want to go to sleep also and 11 PM on a school night is too late, especially when I've said something every half hour for the past 2 hours.  So, if need be, I will happily sing a bedtime song right next to your mike.  I am not beyond making a fool of myself if it means you get the sleep you don't think you need. Please don't make me disconnect the modem.  My only time of relaxation is at night and I enjoy my Netflix. Love,  Mom

Mom Doesn't Know Best

Yet again, some parents are being investigated by CPS for ... allowing their children to walk go to the park alone.

This time the children are 6 and 10.

Six to me is young to being going to the park.  At the same time, this is something similar to what I've done.

A couple years ago, I would let my oldest son walk my younger son to his friend's house a few blocks away.  The deal was simple, he had to call as soon as he arrived and he had to call before he left so someone could come get him.  Fred was 10 and Thom was 8.

He wasn't allowed to cross the street alone.  My biggest concern wasn't someone snatching the boys.  It was a safe neighborhood.  Kids were always running and riding bikes around.  My biggest concern that because of Thom's height, a car may not see him.

When we were kids, in 1st and 2nd grade, we were allowed to go the park, and roam the neighborhood.  Our parents deemed it safe.  If we had lived in a different neighborhood that wasn't so safe, I don't doubt my parents would have said no.

Today, my mother watches the kids after school.  They are not allowed to play outside without supervision.  Emma has friends in the neighborhood, but still, she isn't allowed.  Emma is 8.  The reason is that she is afraid it isn't safe.

The world has changed.  Or rather, attitudes have changed.

Twenty years ago, you rarely heard about the things that happened two towns over, much less in another state.   Now, we constantly hear it.  We are inundated with it.

My aunt was a social worker in small town Pennsylvania.  I don't remember much about what she did, but I do remember from time to time having to go on a late night run to check on a report or neglect or abuse.  This type of thing happened then also.  Our world isn't safer or less safe.  We are more informed.  And, sometimes that knowledge does not add to better our lives, but instead hinders us and makes us fearful.

My Daughter Has An IPad

The economy today is horrific.  There is no denying it.  Families all over the country are finding themselves with little or no savings.  Most are only a paycheck or two away from homelessness themselves.

It seems that everyday I read another article online about another family online who is willing to be the brunt of an article.  They are willing to open themselves up to the criticism that they know will follow.  

Today's article (A Day in the Life of a Family of 6 Trying to Survive on Fast Food Wages)  featured in the New York Magazine is about a family in Texas.  Four of the family members work in fast food.  Dad is ill, Mom works two jobs, and two of the high school daughters also work.  They live in a small apartment.  

When I read these articles, I always take the time to look at the comments that people have left.  Inevitably there is the comments about having too many children.  What got me today was the other comments that are so common.  They have an iPod.  

Oh no!  How dare they have something for entertainment!

Take a step back now please... when was the last time you saw an iPod?  There aren't that many being used anymore.  Most of the iPods out there are old, many scratched up, and still many more sitting in a drawer doing nothing.  I know that a lot of people think that this family should take that little iPod and pawn it or sell it some other way.  For all of you out there, is the $10 or $15 worth it?  Is it worth to sell this trinket, a bit of normality and entertainment, for what wouldn't even amount to a family meal?

You see, my daughter has an iPad.  Not an iPod like this family, but an actual iPad.  It's a first generation one without any camera and most of the newer apps won't work on it because it can't be upgraded anymore.  Her iPad was a gift for her 8th birthday last September.  It's not the greatest and it dosen't always charge correctly, but she loves it.  

Last weekend I took her to the pawn shop with me.  She was going to trade in her iPad and with a few dollars savings that she had saved up wanted to get one with a camera.  They offered us $15 for her little iPad.  The next step up would be almost $200.  Needless to say, that was a lot more than this little girl of 8 had saved up and a lot more than Momma could afford to add to her savings.  She choose to keep her beloved iPad.  

I know that people question how I could possibly justify her having an iPad when I make barely over minimum wage myself.  I justify it simply as it gives her enjoyment.  They don't need to know that it was a gift or that selling it would only merit $15.  

My daughter sacrifices a lot already.  The five of us live in a two bedroom apartment.  The boys have a room and us girls share a room.  Only last month was I able to find a cot I could afford so that all three of us girls aren't sharing one bed.  Emma has her own bed again, it's a camping cot with some old couch cushions on it to make it a little more comfy.  She will lounge on it as if she's queen of the world with her precious iPad watching videos on YouTube or playing a game of MineCraft.  

Judge me if you will as you judge these families, but a $15 dollar dinner isn't worth it to me to take away a small luxury from my daughter.  

She's keeping her iPad, so go ahead and judge me like you do these other families.  It's okay.  I'm a Momma Bear, I can handle it.

Open Letter In Response to "Dear White Moms"

Dear Moms Everywhere,

I read a letter today in the Huffington Post, and it is a letter I think we all needed to read.  So, please take a moment, and read "Dear White Moms".

Why?  Because, we need to all unite to stop this madness.

I am tired.

I am tired of hearing about how an unarmed child has been shot or beat up by those who we raise them to respect and go to for help.

I am tired of this being a race issue.  It shouldn't be.  It is an issue for all of us moms everywhere in this country.  This effects us all.

I am tired of all our children learning to fear police instead of looking to them for comfort and protection.

I am an American.  I try to raise my children as Americans.  Not as "white" Americans.  I want to raise them to not see others as being different, lesser, privileged or more equal,

Perhaps now we are hearing more and more about these horrific cases because of the Internet.  If so, then... Good.  We need to know.

We all need to know that this is happening.  If we don't know, if we insulate ourselves in our "clean" suburbs, behind the doors of McMansions, and gated communities, then we we are part of the problem.

I want as much as any other mom to protect my child from the horrors of war.  But, that is what we have.  It is a war.

It is a war on all of our children.  Our children are learning to not trust those who they should feel safe to go to for help.  If our children run to a police officer, will they be shot.  If their friends are in need of help, will they be afraid because of the color of their skin.

If we as moms everywhere don't unite and find a way to stop this madness, then it will continue and it will get worse.  All of our children will suffer.

I implore all of you.  All of you moms and dads, let's fight this.  No more should die because of this war on our children.

Let us not turn a blind eye to abuses on our children.  Let's speak up and insist that our children whether they be black, white, hispanic, mixed, or of any race be treated with the respect that they as human beings deserve.

Signed,
An American Mom

Grasping for Puzzle Pieces

My sons are on the autism spectrum.

That's a fact.

Recently, I met a number of other moms that have children that I recognize are on the spectrum.  They aren't willing to say it out loud, but I could see it in their eyes and hear it in their voices.  I met their children, and I knew.

Something about me must have let them know it's okay to talk about sensory swings, and styming, missing communication and tactile sensitivies.

As we talked, I came to realize, they are searching for that puzzle piece, the one that would make the puzzle of autism complete.  And, they were looking at me for that missing piece.

They've met my Thomman.  My heart and joy.  Thomman didn't speak at one time, or rather his speach was such that it wasn't.  Thomman once spun in circle after circle to the point that we drew spinning circles on the carport floor that he was allowed to spin in safely.

We read the articles, saw the specialist, bought so many specialized things, all in the hopes that that one thing or that one doctor would be the missing puzzle piece.

But, in the end, I came to realize, there was no missing puzzle piece.  Thom is complete the way he is.

He's my pride and my joy.  He may still spin, and styme and be more senstive to the outside world than other kids, but he is complete.

I love you Thom!

Larry The Cable Guy Strikes Again

I know.  I know.

It's Larry the Cable Guy.  Somehow, you can't help yourself eyes glued to the screen and laughing at his antics.  But, fish batter?  He has his own line of boxed mixes for different things?  I was a little skeptical.

But, you know me.  I like to try new things and I definitely like to try to expand the kids food repertoire.  So, noticed the box of fish batter at Big Lots, and the kids love Larry the Cable Guy, I had to try it.

I pulled out the skillet, followed the directions, and dinner is served!

Okay, it didn't look as good as on the packaging, and my skeptism increased.  But, food will not go to waste in this household.

I was happily surprised.  I liked it.  And, even better than that, the kids liked it.

We have added a new food item to our list of things Momma may just cook for dinner, and Larry is invited to dinner.

Baby Oil Again ... Dusting and Emma

There are so many different uses of baby oil.  It's amazing and one of those basics that I like to keep in the house.

I like the fact that it is non-toxic and is so versitile.

One of my favorite uses of baby oil is to dust and clean my furniture.  I have a lot of old wooden furniture around my house.  My daughter, Emma, is in charge of oiling the furniture on a regular basis.

Not only does it keep the wood moisturized and looking good, I, personally, love the smell.

Turkey Bacon ... Is it really any good?

I am always looking to introduce the kids to new things to eat.  Sometimes, this means going out of my comfort zone and thinking outside of the box.

I was at the Dollar Tree, and saw this package of turkey bacon by Jennie-O.

Turkey bacon?

Really?

How can turkey be bacon?  Bacon is from pork, aka, pigs, not turkeys.

Still, I had to try it.  

We fried it up, the same way you would normal bacon.

Hint:  If you fry up turkey bacon, oil your pan first.  I didn't, and I burnt the first couple pieces.

Still, it came out looking okay.  Not like real bacon, but it didn't look inedible.

  Yes, there is the test to past.  How does it taste?

I needed a test subject.  Someone who would tell me straight off, without hesitation if it was okay.

Emma!  Yes, Emma, the picky eater.  Emma, the one who doesn't like meat.  I wondered what she would think of it.

She liked it!

Needless to say, turkey bacon is now on our menu.

I never thought I'd like it.  But, as long as you don't think of it as "bacon", and instead think of it as a fried turkey jerky, you will not be disappointed.

Being able to get the turkey bacon at the Dollar Tree was just a bonus.  There was just enough for everyone to have a couple slices with breakfast, with no overeating and no leftovers.  Everyone was happy and that makes me happy.

Score!  Momma wins again.  Kids have tried something new, and Momma's budget is on target.

The New School Year and the Dreaded Lice

It's a new school year.  The summer is over, and kids are heading back to school.

It's so exciting, and then ...

Lice!  But, it's too soon in the school year.

Sadly, it's not.

I noticed Emma was itching her head.  That didn't seem right, she just washed it and she doesn't have a problem ...

Wait...

What is that?

As I looked closely at her head, I saw the dreaded "It".

It is a louse.

One, just one, that's all it takes, and now the regimine must begin.

Emma has hair down past her waist, and she likes to wear it down.  This means that her hair has a habit of flying everywhare and getting on everything.  And, the first week of school, it also meant, she picked up a louse off of a classmate.

For the next four hours, Emma sat on the floor as I carefully combed through her hair.

Checking...  Searching...  Combining... and going cross-eyed.

The hair was combed and after last year's experience with lice, I skipped the Rid and went straight for the olive oil.  I oiled her hair down thoroughly, combining it all out carefully and then braided it.  I only found two lice, but that's more than enough to warrent a full delousing in my book.

Ten long thin braids, and my off to bed.

The next day to be spent washing every pillow and sheet that could have possibly touched her head.  All brushes and combs will be soaked in alcohol for the rest of the school year, and the weekly lice checks will commence.

Yeap, the new school year is here.  And, sadly, so are the dreaded lice.

I hate bugs!

Jaime, the Bearded Dragon, and the Emergency Vet

"Mom, Jaime's not walking right and she keeps turning over."

"What?"

Poor little Jaime, Emma's bearded dragon, was dragging her leg behind her. I was terrified that she had broken her leg.  Evidently, she had jumped off of Fred's lap and banged her leg into the wall in the process.

What is a Mom to do?  Afterall, Moms are supposed to fix everything.

So, I got on the phone and started calling around to different vets.  This all had to happen on a Saturday afternoon, didn't it?

Finally, after several calls I called back the first vet that was on my list, Winter Park Veterninary Hospital.  They sounded nice enough on the phone, and they could see Jaime today.  Not all vets will even see lizards, and Jaime is all lizard.

We arrived and were seen almost immediately.  I didn't even get a chance to sample from their selection of Keurig coffees.

In short order, the veterinary technician in and Jaime was weighed, and the technician left.  I'm expecting, a bit more of a weight and sit down to read one of the magazines on the rack in the room.  Completely surprised that they had magazines for reptile lovers.

 I didn't even have a chance to read an article before the vet was coming in the room.

She carefully inspected Jaime's leg and explained the whole process to Emma who was obviously concerned about her baby.  The vet couldn't tell whether or not the leg was broken right off, but Jaime had feeling in her leg, which the vet explained to Emma was a good thing.

Off Jaime went for x-rays.

Not even 15 minutes later, the nurse was back with the good news.  The leg wasn't broken!

Hurray!

The technician explained that Jaime had just sprained it and would only need a little anti-inflamatory and pain medication.

Complete and total relief was evident in both Emma and myself.

Emma was obviously curious about the x-rays and the vet technician picked up on this.  She asked if Emma would like to see the x-rays.  This really impressed me.

What impressed me even more, was that when we were brought out to the x-ray viewing machine, the vet was back, explaining all of the x-rays to Emma and showing her how nicely everything looked.  The vet took the time to explain and show Emma that Jaime's leg was not broken and that the swelling was from it being sprained.

I can't verbalize just how greatful I am to them.  I never thought I'd have to take a lizard to the vet, but I am glad that when I had to that I was able to find such a wonderful and caring veterinary hospital as Winter Park Veterinary Hospital.

Anika, the Nail Polish(ed) Kitten

My darling daughter, Anika, was at it again.

Tonight, she decided to paint herself up as a kitty kat.  The little girl locked herself in my bedroom and painted herself using brown nailpolish.

"Oh no!".

 Removing nail polish from arms or legs would be one thing.  I could use some standard nail polish remover, but her face ... well, you don't want to use nail polish remover on a toddler's face, especially so closer to their eyes.

Once again, baby oil to the rescue.

Put some baby oil on a wash cloth or other soft cloth (not too smooth).  It takes a bit of rubbing, but it comes off fairly easily.

Of course, I had to create a little video of our little Anika and posted it on YouTube.  I couldn't help myself.  I'm sure other mom's have run into this, so I had to share.  (Removing Baby Oil From Skin)

She will always keep me on my toes :)

Autism Does Not Mean Stupid

My son Thomas has autism.

When Thomas was 3 1/2 years old he was diagnosed with "high functioning" classic autism.  I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, and I wanted to hold my baby tight and yell at the world that "He's still MY Little!"

Thomas was placed in a special pre-school class and received Speech Therapy for receptive and expressive language.  We found he had a number of sensory difficulties, and was especially photo-sensitive.  At one point when we lived in Virginia, he was a Project LifeSaver kid through the sheriff's department because of his wanderings.

Through everything, if anyone asked me what I liked best about Thomas, I would say "his heart".  There is something about the boy that makes your heart melt.  He loves everyone.  And, even if he can't necessarily stand to be hugged, you know he loves people.

But, through it all, Thomas was never not intellectually there.  He may vacate out into an absence seizure, or twirl a little and click his tongue.  He may emotionally seem a little closer to a child half his age, but he has always been so very smart.  At school, he moved from having an Individual Educational Plan (IEP) to having nothing while I fought to get him a 504 plan.  He received his 504 plan last year.  He needs extra time on tests, and has trouble with his ability to write legibly.  His short term memory can be a bit faulty, and he is very consistent about not remembering that he has homework too.  After all, the teacher didn't say "Thomas, you need to do pages 10, 11 and 12 tonight", she just said "Do pages 10, 11 and 12" not who was supposed to do them.

Something happened today.

Today, Grandma took him to school to meet his new teacher and find out where his classroom is.  Turns out, that the Thomman is not in a normal class this year.  He will not be with all the other "normal" mainstream kids this year studying along at what he consider's an easy pace.

No, Thomas has been moved to the 5th grade gifted class!

His most recent teacher recognized that this kid is smart! Not just run of the mill smart, but really very intelligent!  It doesn't matter if he does click his tongue in class, or needs extra time to write his work because it can be physically painful.  It doesn't matter that he has to wear tinted glasses to keep the room in shadows or that he needs his teacher to sign off that he actually has homework.

I am so proud of my son Thomas!

We'd have a special dinner for him tonight ... I was thinking ice cream and cake, but I know that would upset him and he'd say we skipped dinner.  So, looks like Mac-n-Cheese followed by a healthy serving of ice cream!

I Am Not SuperMom

The other night I met a new neighbor.  Well, not really new, he's lived in the same complex as me at least as long as I have.  Still, it was the first time that I actually met him.

One of my "girls' upstairs decided to say hello to a neighbor in one of the buildings next to us.  Since I was with her, I got the opportunity to say hello and introduce myself as well.

He made a funny quip about there being an elevator between the upstairs and downstairs apartments in our building since we are all visiting each other constantly.  I suppose it must seem like that :)  We do have a great time enjoying each others company.

I said that I'm just the "crazy" downstairs neighbor with the four kids.  He called me "SuperMom".

Wow!  What a compliment coming from a stranger.  He's seen us all hanging out, seen me interacting with the kids and looks at me as being something more than just a nutty neighbor with a bunch of kids.

Thing is, I'm no SuperMom.

I'm just a mom, like thousands of other mothers out there.  I love my kids, try my hardest to do the best I can by them and try to maintain some semblance of myself as being more than just Momma.

SuperMom would be incredible, but her house wouldn't look like a tornado ransacked the inside, otherwise known as my darling daughter "Hurricane" Anika.  SuperMom's wouldn't ever loose her cool because she just stepped on a bunch of Legos that were left in the middle of the bedroom floor.  SuperMom would always have excellent well balanced meals that everyone sat nicely and politely ate at the table.

No, I'm not SuperMom, but I appreciate the compliment.

Responsibility is Learned

Responsibility is learned.  It's not something that we come by naturally.  

Recently, I had the opportunity to watch, listen and talk to three young women who had moved in together.  They all have a different take on living on their own.  Sadly, one of them has had to move out.  Why?  It wasn't just personality conflict which can come with roommates.  It came down to being responsible.  One of the girls had lost her job because she didn't show up for work and didn't call in.  She didn't really think anything of it, or the consequences of not getting a new job before she quit her job.  Within a few months after losing her job, her roommates became fed up with housing her and feeding her while she'd go out to bars dancing and partying.  

Now, from the perspective of the girl who lost her job, she felt she was looking.  In reality, she'd go out and get a bunch of applications, bring them home and too often they would sit there.  She'd apply for a job now and again, and even had a couple interviews. She wasn't contributing to the household. The other girls would get upset at her because they were working, buying food and cleaning house, while she was only occasionally job hunting, but going out several times a week dancing and drinking.   She'd come home, but she didn't clean house, she didn't buy groceries, but she did eat food that the girls who were working bought.

This young woman felt that as long as she tried (even if it was minutely), that there should be no consequences to getting fired from her job.  She felt that others should feed her, pay her rent, and she should be free to continue living her life as she wanted.  

Instead of stepping back and realizing that the world doesn't work like that. She never took a step back and thought of the fact that her roommates only made enough to support themselves and that they couldn't keep feeding her and cleaning up after her, while she took her time to find a job.  Instead, she put the whole household in jeopardy.   

Sadly, this now 22 year old young woman has to learn the hard way the lessons of responsibility.  It makes me wonder if she was taught that there are consequences to her actions as she was growing up.  If she was then it didn't stick.  

I wish her the best and hope that she is able to learn about responsibility.  

His Father Forgot His Birthday

A Walk to the Park

The other day, I wrote about my son asking to stay the afternoon with his big brother and that the reason I wouldn't allow him to wasn't that I felt he could handle it but it was out of fear that I would be judged as putting my children in danger by allowing them to be kids and hang out together.  I am sure that more than a few people thought I was overreacting.  As parents, don't we know our kids best.  We would know if our kids were able to watch over themselves, fix themselves a sandwich and be safe.

Today, there was an article in the Orlando Sentinel about a mom who has been arrested for allowing her child to go to the park a half mile from home. (Florida Mom Arrested After Son Walked to Park)

Perhaps I wasn't just being paranoid about others views of parenting.

I live in Florida, and even this one caught me off.  You see, in Florida, not all districts bus kids to their local school if that school is within 2 walking miles from home.  Florida considers it safe enough to tell parents that their children can walk to school for 2 miles and across busy intersections with very few crossing guards.  Oh, and in case you are wondering, that includes kindergarten students.  I am not exaggerating on either.  We lived in Palm Beach County, one of the richest counties in the state of Florida, and the school district would not pay to bus kids.  In fact, we lived 3 houses east of the very busy Highway US1 and just under 2 miles from the elementary school (around 1 1/2 miles from the local middle school).  Every morning, the elementary kids would be driven to school.  Then, Fred, who was in middle school would take his bike and ride along and across US1, then again across Southern Boulevard on his way to school.  These are not empty streets.  This was in the heart of West Palm Beach and during the same hours that hundreds of commuters were on their way to their prospective jobs.

How is it that they can say, it is perfectly safe for your 5 or 6 year old to walk almost 2 miles to school, but it is not safe for them to walk a half mile (with a cell phone) to a local park to play with friends.  Seems like a double standard to me.  Or rather a bottom line economics.  It also gives very mixed messages to the parents and children.  How do I tell my 7, 8 or 9 year old that they can't go to the park to play because it's not safe for them to go alone that 1/2 mile, but that it is perfectly fine for them to walk a mile or more past the same park to go to school.

Wake up and let us parents be parents.  This mother judged her son to be responsible to walk and play with friends a shorter distance away than the school would have him walk to school. This mother provided her son with a cell phone to stay in touch.  If anything she was being responsible.

I guess my fear wasn't so unfounded after all.

   

Mom... Can I stay home today?

"Mom, can I stay home today by myself?"

"No, dear you cannot."

"Why not?  If there's a problem, I can go upstairs to [the neighbor]."

My son is 9 years old.  Next week, in fact is his birthday and he will be 10.

When we were kids it would have been nothing to stay home for a few hours at 10 by ourselves.  Many of us grew up coming home from school, fixing ourselves snacks, and hanging out with our friends until our parents came home from work.

Why is today so different from then?

Honestly, I know my boys and I feel that my 12 and 9 year old boys would be just fine for a few hours on their own.  I know that they wouldn't go anywhere, and that if there was a problem, that they would go right upstairs to our neighbor or they would call their grandmother or myself.  I can see it now, I'd come home to a sink full of dishes and the an open jug of milk will be left on the counter.

So, why don't I let them?  Why do I instead hover over and say, "Oh, no!"

I'll tell you honestly, it's fear.  Not fear of any trouble my boys may get into, but fear of losing them if I left them alone for an afternoon to watch over themselves.  Fear that even though I know I need to teach them how to take care of themselves and be responsible for themselves that I am not allowed to do just that.  I am not allowed to use my best judgment in raising my children.

Here we are, a society that says at 18, a child is magically transported to adulthood and needs to know, understand and be proficient at all the rules and responsibilities of being a grown-up.... yet, we are not allowed to teach our children what those responsibilities are.  We are not allowed to let them be kids and learn be on their own.  It's a slow process, not a fast one.  And, for me, I'm not talking about leaving him home all day, he just wanted an afternoon.  One afternoon to just hang out with just him and his big brother, doing brotherly bonding over computer games.  I know it, and still I have to say no.

Sorry, baby, Momma isn't going to let you  have an afternoon of boy-time with your brother because Momma doesn't have any desire to go to jail or risk having the state take you away.