The Christmas Tree - Put the Blame in the Right Place

I read the title, as I'm so sure so many other people did "Alabama official apologizes for chopping public park tree for Trump rally".  My first impression was one of those moments, where you immediately want to judge someone, and, that would be Mr. Trump.

But, this wasn't him.  Oh, I'm sure he would have wanted a "big" tree, the "biggest".  But, it wasn't Mr. Trump who took an old beautiful tree from public land and used.  It was the town's mayor's aide.  You could probably go farther down the totem pole, but that's who made the decision.

As much as I will be watching his decisions and what is going on, just as I watch other public officials.  This one, though, we can't and shouldn't blame on him.

It's a prime example of the slant that our media takes in so much.  The words were chosen to make an impact before even one word of the article was read.

It's a time for vigilance.  Read and check facts.  The title will draw you in, they need us the reader to open the article and be engaged.

So, as the year winds up, and the new year begins, we will be seeing more and more of this.  Keep your eyes and minds open.

Political Pissy Moment

Political pissy moment... (don't read unless you understand this is just a vent) ... So, seems so many people think that the less populated areas should have the say over more populated areas and for urban dwellers to shut up... do you want to take aware our voice completely?

Today, the electoral college meets in just over a hour. They will vote Mr. Trump into office, I have no illusions about this.

What is bugging at me is this ... stop it! Just stop it! Just because someone voted against him, does not make them a snowflake. Stop your fake news stories! Stop tromping all over anyone you perceive as liberal just because they say something you don't agree with.

Guess what? You weren't all quiet these last 8 years. We all heard you loud and clear. I heard when our president was made fun of with foul jokes and memes. I heard you when you called for action and laughed that we should go a year when a supreme court justice died, because you didn't want anyone who may possibly have any liberal leanings in position. We heard you. We heard you and that's why so many people are pissed off right now.

Because you were shouting at us all. You were shouting at everyone who didn't agree with you and acting like spoiled brats. Now you are accusing us of the same if we so much as open our mouths.

Guess what? I don't like the idea of Trump as president. I feel he has too many complicated conflicts of interest. I don't like his choices of big business leaders for cabinet positions. I don't like his moral values AT ALL. I don't like how he talks to women. I don't like how he disrespects our allies. I find him wishy washy. The way he speaks is a white American version of ebonics. Both are equally disgusting to hear of someone who is supposed to be representing this great diverse country. I just don't like him. He may do some good things, and he may do some bad things. Right now, I'm not seeing much hope with his idea of "draining the swamp". This draining of the swamp is putting people in seriously important positions for the purpose of dismantling and undermining the purposes of those government agencies.

I'm not crying about it just because I speak my mind.

I will not throw a toddler style tantrum as too many have over the last 8 years. What I will do is stand up for my fellow Americans - all of them.

I am a moderate. I am middle of the road. I have pretty much an equal amount of "conservative" views as "liberal" ones. And, why in tarnations, is conservation and being "green" a "liberal" view? I learned how to be green from some of the most conservative people around.

I look for the truth in the news, and I suggest everyone else does. Stop believing everything you read or hear. Most of it has a slant to it. News is no longer news, it's now entertainment, it's about getting the most views and making money for the company.

And, if you don't agree with what is going on, speak up. I don't care if you are Republican, Democrat, Independent, or something else. If we all don't speak up, we will never be heard.

And, let this be a reminder to everyone. We are NOT a democracy. This is a Republic. Also, this is a capitalist society. And, right now, the capitalist part is being heard loud and clear. We are in for a ride for the next 4 years, it may be good for some, but it's also going to be hard going for a lot of people. I, for one, predict, that people will have to face up to the fact that capitalism won out this election, and the people will speak with their votes in 4 years. In the meantime, bunker down, stick together, AND remember, that conservative or liberal neighbor of yours, is also an American, and their views are just as important. Give them a hug, send them a Christmas card, but don't insult them, don't demean them. That is not what we are about.

Rant over... for now.

Saying Goodbye to the "Safe" Government Job

As part of the private sector, I've joked for years that if I had it to do all over again, I would have gotten a "safe government job" like my dad told me to.  Instead, I went to for the job in the private sector.  Don't get me wrong, I love what I do every day.  But, I haven't loved watching as benefits have eroded over the years and employee value has steadily decreased.

As the private sector has watched these things happen, those in government positions have held a safety blanket around their positions.  As described in the Washington Post article, "Trump has a plan for government workers.  They're not going to like it", all this could change under President-elect Trump.

Some people will argue that wages for a government job are often less than those of similar position in the private sector and that the benefits are to offset this.  I argue that though that was once the case, it often is not anymore.

As an example, according to Federalpay.org, the average receptionist salary in 2015 for a government employee was $34,434.86, while the national average in 2016 according to Glassdoor was only $24,800.  Over half of private sector employers do not offer health insurance and few if any benefits.  This is a fact of life for much of our country.  To be fair, a position with more schooling such as a pharmacist has an average salary in 2015 for a government employee of $113,926.96 whereas the national average in the private sector was $120,000.

The hit by the recession was felt hard in the private sector as jobs eroded and benefits disappeared.  I am not advocating that they should be completely equal, it is much more difficult to get a government position than a private sector one.  Often times, it also requires security clearances, these things should be taken into account.

However, if the country is going to slim down the federal government and bureaucracy, then making the federal employee benefits more in line with what is now considered competitive in the private sector is something that will have to come.

Many of the benefits for federal government employees are not going anywhere.  They are not at risk of losing their health benefits as many private sector employees have.  Nor, are they going to lose benefits such as leave.  There is little wiggle room with federal benefits to make changes.

But, Mr. Trump isn't just talking about benefits though.  In fact, one of the things he is also talking about is the ability to fire a federal employee.  This can be a tricky slope, and maybe, just maybe, this is one place that the man known for "You're fired" could be person to make it happen.  Employees no matter who they work for should be held accountable for doing the job they are hired to do.  If they don't, then they either need to buck up and do it, or find something else.

Don't be surprised if Mr. Trump puts a hiring freeze, or at least a limit to new hiring, into effect when he comes into office.  I won't be.  And, there is ample precedent to do just that.  Once he is in office and is able to see for himself, we shall see how it turns out.  His hands on approach may help him here.  He has run his companies with a heavy hand at times, now there will be limits on what he can do.  He won't be able to walk in and fire someone if he doesn't like their attitude or even if they are sitting idle at their desk, but he will be able to help craft a budget or act to put things in place to take care of things.

We can only hope that Mr. Trump uses his experience to review, evaluate and take the right action when it comes to the workplace.  I hope he understands that these employees have often never dealt with what it is like to work in the private sector just as he has never known what it is like to be a federal employee.  It's going to be a learning curve for everyone.

Quiet for Too Long

I moved to Florida, life seemed to fall apart, and I shut my mouth.

I didn't talk often about what was important to me, I felt unimportant.

Why?

I was no longer a valuable, contributing member of society.  Or, so I thought.

I needed public assistance and was completely embarrassed.  After all, isn't that what happens to those who don't take care of their responsibilities?  Aren't food stamps for "slackers".  Obamacare is for people who don't work, isn't it?  The answer to all of these questions is a resounding "NO".

I did not want to bring attention to myself and my family, so I kept my mouth shut.

Well, the time has come... I am going to open my mouth.  I am going to speak about what is important to myself and my family.

By keeping my mouth shut and not speaking up, I have added to the problem.  I added to the misconception of the poor being uneducated and not worthy.

My children and I worked hard together.  It may have been me bringing in the paycheck, but they contributed.  They got along when we had no where to live but a two bedroom apartment.  They smiled when I knew they were sad that Momma said, "We are going to Salvation Army for school clothes.  We have to save."

Today, we have moved out of that situation.  Things are still tough, and they will be for a long time.  But, it is time for this Momma to stop hiding in a cave for fear of what the rest of the world thinks, and saying what is important.

Prison Should Not Be Relief from Child Support

This morning, I read an article through Yahoo News entitled "Prison Is No Relief From Child Support".  The article talks about a move to require states to reduce the amount of child support owed by an incarcerated parent.

Whatever a person's feelings are on the incarcerated parent, or the parent who is not incarcerated and is carrying for any children, it does not diminish the needs of the child.  Having a parent in jail is hard on children.  Now, let's make it a little harder.

As a parent who is owed back child support, I can say, it hurts terribly.  I am not going to allow my child to suffer for it though.  I also know that eventually, I will see that child support.  It's already as if I am giving the other parent an interest free loan for his portion of raising our child.

Now, let's take that a step farther, if he was to commit a crime and end up in jail, that should be on him.  It should not be for me,  I should not be penalized if he committed a crime.

The article says that all the responsible parent wants is some type of reimbursement.  But, if there is to be a settlement made, then let me have a word in it.  What if, as the other parent who is all of the sudden not receiving their child support, debt is incurred.  They may well be dependent on knowing that eventually the amount owed them is going to be paid.  That light at the end of the tunnel, that somehow, someday, it will come.  I know for me, that light has been a beacon in the past.

There is another side to this as well, and that is the side of those who do make their child support payments faithfully.  Who care about their children and do everything they can to care for them.  What about all those great parents out there that put their kids first, that make sure that their children are cared for?  Committing a crime and being send to jail is completely a voluntary underemployment issue.  By reducing the amount of child support on those who commit criminal acts, is rewarding those ill acts, it is also devaluing the good parents out there who will do anything to care for their children.

I have a great amount of respect for parents on both sides of the fence out there.  There should be respect for those who are on the receiving end of child support and for those who pay child support.  These parents should not be disrespected and devalued by such regulations.  Regulations such as this only will hurt good parents out there and reward criminals.

So You Want A Job?

It's crazy busy at work.  We have so much to do that the day finally came that we need some help.  I must say that I was excited... yeah! 

My boss put an ad on Craigslist.  It was a pretty standard ad.  We just need a part-time receptionist to begin with.  Ideally, this is someone that we can train to do more and really help with our clients in the future.

We received around 400 responses to our ad.  So, how does someone make themselves stand out to get that call. 

1.   This is a professional office, please do not use hot pink lettering on your resume.  Yes, it will make you stand out, but not in the way you were hoping.

2.   If the ad asks for a cover letter, and you do not include one, the chances of you being considered are pretty nil.

3.  Check your grammar!  I received literally dozens of resumes and cover letters that had horrific grammar.  These were not instances of spell check or grammar check going wrong.  I even saw some that did not include any capitalization or punctuation.  

4.  Keep the cover letter short and sweet.  A couple paragraphs should do the trick.  I really have a lot of them to go over so if you cover letter is a full page and single spaced, I probably won't read the whole thing.

5.  Different font sizes may be okay in some situations, but please don't use multiple fonts and font sizes in the same paragraph.  All that this shows me is that you are not detailed and don't care about how something looks.

Okay, now you made it past the resume stage.  You have received that call to possibly set up an interview.  What should you or should you not do?

1.  Do not talk with your mouth full.

2.  I understand that I may be calling you at home or out and about.  I understand that there may be kids hollering in the background.  I'm a mom, I get it.  If this happens, ask if you can call me back, and then call back as soon as you can.  If you wait a day or two, I will probably have moved on and scheduled someone else already for that interview.

3.  Be friendly.  I am not saying act as if you are my best friend, but be pleasant.  This is for a receptionist position.  If your phone mannerisms are not good, then you won't be coming in for that in-person interview.  

Yeah!  The interview is scheduled, it's time to meet your potential employer or supervisor.  Here are a few tips for you.

1.  Do not drown yourself in perfume.  I already know that you were sitting in your car for a half hour chain smoking, I would rather you take a moment and go to the ladies room to freshen up first then douse yourself in cologne right before you walk in.  I'd rather know you are a smoker from the get go then you try to hide it.  

2.  This is an interview, do not come dressed to go out to the mall or a night out.  Corduroys are not fine.  Skin-tight latex pants are not fine.  I do not expect that you will be coming dressed in a three piece suit, but please take some time to think about how you should dress for the type of work environment you are applying for.

3.  Do some homework.  It may be for only a receptionist position, but find out what type of business you are interviewing at.  You have our name, our address and I told you a little about us during the telephone interview, Google us.  I want to see some initiative, I especially want to see if you will take that extra step before you come in.  If you do, then you are more likely to take the extra step with our clients.

4.  Take off your outside jacket.  I know that it's chilly outside, but I want to know that you can make yourself comfortable.  If you look like you are ready to run for the door, you probably don't belong sitting in that chair across from me.

5.  Absolutely follow-up.  Write a short e-mail saying thank you would be great.  I want the feedback as much as you do.  I want to know that you are really interested in this position.

*    *    * 

Now, good luck in that job hunt.  I know it's not easy out there right now, so it is more important than ever to put your best foot forward. 

Becoming Self-Reliant

Recently I was visiting a new church and self reliance came up.

Such an interesting topic if you really think about it.  When most people think of self reliance they think solely of what it means to simply take care of themselves and their own needs without assistance of anything outside of their own bubble.

When I think of self reliance the same thing comes to mind, but it really goes so much further.

You see, I've been there, done that.  I've experienced too many things that really shot down my own confidence in being self reliant.  Still, I kept kicking.  If it wasn't for my children, I don't know if I could have accomplished all I have been able to.

I became dependent upon my children.  Not dependent upon them providing for me, they are too young for that.  But, they became my inspiration.  I could have laid back and taken the pity road, allowed myself to join the circle of poverty that is so prevelant.  I simply couldn't accept that.  I am greedy.  I wanted more.  I especially wanted more for my children.

I know that I'm not fully on my feet again.  I know that I will be.  I've had to take a helping hand through the "System".  That didn't mean that I did so lightly.

One of the first parts of becoming self reliant meant swallowing my ego and asking for help.  I had to look at myself, my situation, my surroundings.  I had to evaluate them.  Was I truly doing the best I could do?

My children became my inspiration.  I wanted better for them.  I wanted to be able to spoil them with kisses and love, but also I wanted to provide everything that they needed plus some.   I became dependent upon my children.  If I thought I could do no more, I'd take a look at them.  I'd listen to their stories, their dreams, their everything.

The more I depended upon those little inspirations, those smiles and kisses, the more I was able to to do.

When I was at this new church the other day, someone said (to paraphrase) that the more they came to depend on God to help them through the more self reliant they became.   As I think about that discussion, especially in retrospect, I have to smile and nod.  I can see that, and I can understand that.  You see, I think that God has been acting through my children to give me the inspiration I needed.

Mom Doesn't Know Best

Yet again, some parents are being investigated by CPS for ... allowing their children to walk go to the park alone.

This time the children are 6 and 10.

Six to me is young to being going to the park.  At the same time, this is something similar to what I've done.

A couple years ago, I would let my oldest son walk my younger son to his friend's house a few blocks away.  The deal was simple, he had to call as soon as he arrived and he had to call before he left so someone could come get him.  Fred was 10 and Thom was 8.

He wasn't allowed to cross the street alone.  My biggest concern wasn't someone snatching the boys.  It was a safe neighborhood.  Kids were always running and riding bikes around.  My biggest concern that because of Thom's height, a car may not see him.

When we were kids, in 1st and 2nd grade, we were allowed to go the park, and roam the neighborhood.  Our parents deemed it safe.  If we had lived in a different neighborhood that wasn't so safe, I don't doubt my parents would have said no.

Today, my mother watches the kids after school.  They are not allowed to play outside without supervision.  Emma has friends in the neighborhood, but still, she isn't allowed.  Emma is 8.  The reason is that she is afraid it isn't safe.

The world has changed.  Or rather, attitudes have changed.

Twenty years ago, you rarely heard about the things that happened two towns over, much less in another state.   Now, we constantly hear it.  We are inundated with it.

My aunt was a social worker in small town Pennsylvania.  I don't remember much about what she did, but I do remember from time to time having to go on a late night run to check on a report or neglect or abuse.  This type of thing happened then also.  Our world isn't safer or less safe.  We are more informed.  And, sometimes that knowledge does not add to better our lives, but instead hinders us and makes us fearful.

My Daughter Has An IPad

The economy today is horrific.  There is no denying it.  Families all over the country are finding themselves with little or no savings.  Most are only a paycheck or two away from homelessness themselves.

It seems that everyday I read another article online about another family online who is willing to be the brunt of an article.  They are willing to open themselves up to the criticism that they know will follow.  

Today's article (A Day in the Life of a Family of 6 Trying to Survive on Fast Food Wages)  featured in the New York Magazine is about a family in Texas.  Four of the family members work in fast food.  Dad is ill, Mom works two jobs, and two of the high school daughters also work.  They live in a small apartment.  

When I read these articles, I always take the time to look at the comments that people have left.  Inevitably there is the comments about having too many children.  What got me today was the other comments that are so common.  They have an iPod.  

Oh no!  How dare they have something for entertainment!

Take a step back now please... when was the last time you saw an iPod?  There aren't that many being used anymore.  Most of the iPods out there are old, many scratched up, and still many more sitting in a drawer doing nothing.  I know that a lot of people think that this family should take that little iPod and pawn it or sell it some other way.  For all of you out there, is the $10 or $15 worth it?  Is it worth to sell this trinket, a bit of normality and entertainment, for what wouldn't even amount to a family meal?

You see, my daughter has an iPad.  Not an iPod like this family, but an actual iPad.  It's a first generation one without any camera and most of the newer apps won't work on it because it can't be upgraded anymore.  Her iPad was a gift for her 8th birthday last September.  It's not the greatest and it dosen't always charge correctly, but she loves it.  

Last weekend I took her to the pawn shop with me.  She was going to trade in her iPad and with a few dollars savings that she had saved up wanted to get one with a camera.  They offered us $15 for her little iPad.  The next step up would be almost $200.  Needless to say, that was a lot more than this little girl of 8 had saved up and a lot more than Momma could afford to add to her savings.  She choose to keep her beloved iPad.  

I know that people question how I could possibly justify her having an iPad when I make barely over minimum wage myself.  I justify it simply as it gives her enjoyment.  They don't need to know that it was a gift or that selling it would only merit $15.  

My daughter sacrifices a lot already.  The five of us live in a two bedroom apartment.  The boys have a room and us girls share a room.  Only last month was I able to find a cot I could afford so that all three of us girls aren't sharing one bed.  Emma has her own bed again, it's a camping cot with some old couch cushions on it to make it a little more comfy.  She will lounge on it as if she's queen of the world with her precious iPad watching videos on YouTube or playing a game of MineCraft.  

Judge me if you will as you judge these families, but a $15 dollar dinner isn't worth it to me to take away a small luxury from my daughter.  

She's keeping her iPad, so go ahead and judge me like you do these other families.  It's okay.  I'm a Momma Bear, I can handle it.

Second Job and the Underemployed

After yesterday's blog, I was talking to some friends about low wages and working low skill jobs.

One of my friends works at a local fast food restaurant.  It was the only job in this economy that she was able to find.  She is a fairly eloquent speaker and presents herself well.  Still, fast food was the only job she was able to find.

The hours that she had bee scheduled for generally only will add up to two days a week.  Recently, she asked her manager about being scheduled for more hours.  "Get a second job" is what she was told to do.

It was such a frustrating thing to hear.  She never knows what hours she will be scheduled, it may be mid-morning to afternoon one day, and close the next.  It may be Monday and Friday one week, and Tuesday and Saturday the next.  There is never any consistency.

So, she is looking for a second job.  But, she knows that if she gets a second job, her manager won't give her a consistent scheduling to accommodate it.

This brings to mind the idea of a New York Times article that I read recently regarding Starbucks and employees there who are struggling for consistent hours.  Starbucks it seems is at least trying to do the right thing and is in the process of trying to change their policies according to a Bloomberg BusinessWeek article.

Sadly, few employers show such respect for their employees.  The mentality for the past number of years has been that anyone is replaceable and retention of good employees has ceased to be a priority for the vast number of these jobs.

This is something that needs to change.  If an employer is not going to respect their employees and treat them as equal human beings, then those employees in turn will not respect their employers.  If my friend is able to find that second job, verses being able to stay at her current job with maybe a few more hours a week, I don't doubt she will run into the same problem that others at her workplace have run into and find that her managers won't work with anything but a completely open availability.

It's sad, but it's the way things are.  It's time for all employees to be treated with respect.  These may be low skill jobs, but that doesn't mean that these are less human beings.

Hard Work Is Not the Key to Success Anymore

Low wage job is just that...low wage. Want to earn more money? Get an education and get a better job.
Low wage job is just that...low wage. Want to earn more money? Get an education and get a better job.
"Low wage job is just that...low wage.  Want to earn more money? Get an education and get a better job."

That was the first comment in a recent article that I read about an 81 year old McDonald's maintenance who is joining the fight for a fair raise (McDonald's maintenance worker Jose Carillo, 81, won't let his age keep him from waging the fight for fair wages for fast-food workers).

Too often, I believe that people forget that not everyone can earn that college education.  Life isn't fair, and perhaps they never had that opportunity.  In this case, this is an 81-year old man.  As I am thinking of it, how many of our grandparents have college degrees?  Life was different then, and college wasn't something that was touted as the key to moving up in the world.  Hard work was considered the key to a successful life.

Today, the idea that hard work is going to get you a job that will pay your bills is becoming a thing of the past.  Now, the only way to find that job that meets cost of living is to go to college.  I am not for paying everyone the same thing, but there has to be a point where we pay for the services that we want as well.  Maintenance workers and low skilled workers shouldn't be treated as being lesser people simply because they haven't been able to afford to go to college.  They should be able to make a livable wage, which absolutely differs depending on where in the country you live.

These jobs aren't necessarily as low skill as one may think.  I've flipped burgers at McDonald's and had to run and be on my feet all day.  Many of these jobs are hard on the body, exhausting and require other skills of dexterity, organization, memory, all the while keeping that smile on.  Maintenance jobs take a lot of knowledge of mechanics, and common sense that not everyone has.

I am behind workers like Jose Carillo, who deserve the opportunity to make a livable wage.  Wages for the low skill jobs haven't been going up with the cost of living in this country, and it's about time they do.

Minimum wages need to be tied to the cost of living for a particular area.  But, most importantly, workers need to be treated with respect and fairness.  If you have a good worker, treat them as a good worker.  Just as if you do a good job at your middle management job, you would expect a raise, why doesn't a good worker who serves your food deserve a raise?

Turkey Bacon ... Is it really any good?

I am always looking to introduce the kids to new things to eat.  Sometimes, this means going out of my comfort zone and thinking outside of the box.

I was at the Dollar Tree, and saw this package of turkey bacon by Jennie-O.

Turkey bacon?

Really?

How can turkey be bacon?  Bacon is from pork, aka, pigs, not turkeys.

Still, I had to try it.  

We fried it up, the same way you would normal bacon.

Hint:  If you fry up turkey bacon, oil your pan first.  I didn't, and I burnt the first couple pieces.

Still, it came out looking okay.  Not like real bacon, but it didn't look inedible.

  Yes, there is the test to past.  How does it taste?

I needed a test subject.  Someone who would tell me straight off, without hesitation if it was okay.

Emma!  Yes, Emma, the picky eater.  Emma, the one who doesn't like meat.  I wondered what she would think of it.

She liked it!

Needless to say, turkey bacon is now on our menu.

I never thought I'd like it.  But, as long as you don't think of it as "bacon", and instead think of it as a fried turkey jerky, you will not be disappointed.

Being able to get the turkey bacon at the Dollar Tree was just a bonus.  There was just enough for everyone to have a couple slices with breakfast, with no overeating and no leftovers.  Everyone was happy and that makes me happy.

Score!  Momma wins again.  Kids have tried something new, and Momma's budget is on target.

Photo Op -- Well, Kinda.

No, those aren't driver's licenses or permits.  They are new state issued identification cards.

I decided it was time to get my oldest son, Fred, a photo ID.  Afterall, he's growing up and it's time that he's going to want to start hanging out with friends and exploring on his own.  So, I decided to take him down to our local Tax Collector's Office (otherwise known as Department of Motor Vehicles) and get him his first ID.

I don't think anyone doubts that getting a photo ID for their child can be a good thing.  I'm sure that not everyone would go to the extent of getting one from their local DMV.  But, since his identification is state issued, it will be easier in a few years to obtain his learner's permit.  He will already have his first part of identification.

Another reason, well, Fred doesn't look or act like your normal 12 year old boy.  Most people who meet him think he's 14 or 15 because of his height and maturity.  He can hold an intelligent conversation on more topics than I can count and is an eloquent speaker.  So, here's the proof positive, this is my baby!  He's just a little kid, even if he is taller than you.  Proof is right there on his ID - born in 2002!  Yeap, all 5 foot 8 of him is just a little kid.

Have you ever tried to get a driver's license in Florida?  It's not always an easy process.  You really have to prove who you are.  It took me over a year after moving to Florida to prove that I was who I was to obtain my state driver's license.  I decided then that I would eventually get the identification cards through the state for my children.  No denying it, here's Fred; and, here's Thomas.  When it's time for them to obtain their state driver's learning permits, it's going to be a whole lot easier than it would have been.

Anyone who has ever had to stand or sit waiting at a DMV would know that it can be a hassle.  But, I think it was well worth it.

P.S.  Both boys are also now listed as Organ Donors :)  I'm so proud of them.

Autism Does Not Mean Stupid

My son Thomas has autism.

When Thomas was 3 1/2 years old he was diagnosed with "high functioning" classic autism.  I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, and I wanted to hold my baby tight and yell at the world that "He's still MY Little!"

Thomas was placed in a special pre-school class and received Speech Therapy for receptive and expressive language.  We found he had a number of sensory difficulties, and was especially photo-sensitive.  At one point when we lived in Virginia, he was a Project LifeSaver kid through the sheriff's department because of his wanderings.

Through everything, if anyone asked me what I liked best about Thomas, I would say "his heart".  There is something about the boy that makes your heart melt.  He loves everyone.  And, even if he can't necessarily stand to be hugged, you know he loves people.

But, through it all, Thomas was never not intellectually there.  He may vacate out into an absence seizure, or twirl a little and click his tongue.  He may emotionally seem a little closer to a child half his age, but he has always been so very smart.  At school, he moved from having an Individual Educational Plan (IEP) to having nothing while I fought to get him a 504 plan.  He received his 504 plan last year.  He needs extra time on tests, and has trouble with his ability to write legibly.  His short term memory can be a bit faulty, and he is very consistent about not remembering that he has homework too.  After all, the teacher didn't say "Thomas, you need to do pages 10, 11 and 12 tonight", she just said "Do pages 10, 11 and 12" not who was supposed to do them.

Something happened today.

Today, Grandma took him to school to meet his new teacher and find out where his classroom is.  Turns out, that the Thomman is not in a normal class this year.  He will not be with all the other "normal" mainstream kids this year studying along at what he consider's an easy pace.

No, Thomas has been moved to the 5th grade gifted class!

His most recent teacher recognized that this kid is smart! Not just run of the mill smart, but really very intelligent!  It doesn't matter if he does click his tongue in class, or needs extra time to write his work because it can be physically painful.  It doesn't matter that he has to wear tinted glasses to keep the room in shadows or that he needs his teacher to sign off that he actually has homework.

I am so proud of my son Thomas!

We'd have a special dinner for him tonight ... I was thinking ice cream and cake, but I know that would upset him and he'd say we skipped dinner.  So, looks like Mac-n-Cheese followed by a healthy serving of ice cream!

I Am Not SuperMom

The other night I met a new neighbor.  Well, not really new, he's lived in the same complex as me at least as long as I have.  Still, it was the first time that I actually met him.

One of my "girls' upstairs decided to say hello to a neighbor in one of the buildings next to us.  Since I was with her, I got the opportunity to say hello and introduce myself as well.

He made a funny quip about there being an elevator between the upstairs and downstairs apartments in our building since we are all visiting each other constantly.  I suppose it must seem like that :)  We do have a great time enjoying each others company.

I said that I'm just the "crazy" downstairs neighbor with the four kids.  He called me "SuperMom".

Wow!  What a compliment coming from a stranger.  He's seen us all hanging out, seen me interacting with the kids and looks at me as being something more than just a nutty neighbor with a bunch of kids.

Thing is, I'm no SuperMom.

I'm just a mom, like thousands of other mothers out there.  I love my kids, try my hardest to do the best I can by them and try to maintain some semblance of myself as being more than just Momma.

SuperMom would be incredible, but her house wouldn't look like a tornado ransacked the inside, otherwise known as my darling daughter "Hurricane" Anika.  SuperMom's wouldn't ever loose her cool because she just stepped on a bunch of Legos that were left in the middle of the bedroom floor.  SuperMom would always have excellent well balanced meals that everyone sat nicely and politely ate at the table.

No, I'm not SuperMom, but I appreciate the compliment.

Findings - It's all in the "Picking"

I admit it.  I do it.  I'm a bit of a picker.

In the area of Florida that I live in, it is common for people to put out next to the dumpster or on their curb in front of their house, things that they don't want anymore.  Now, sometimes these are big pieces of furniture, but not always.

A lot of the time, it's other things, lamps, even dishes or a laundry basket full of shoes.

So, if I come across things, I may just pick them up.  To me, these are hidden treasures.  They make my home unique.  After all, how many people have hand painted tiles of beautiful Japanese ladies hanging on their wall.  It was a finding.  That's right, these beautiful tiles were sitting next to the curb, propped up against an old bookcase that someone was also not wanting anymore.  Needless to say, the tiles came home with me.  The bookcase did not.

I enjoy the search for treasure.  I never know if I will find something or not.  Days can go by, even weeks or months with no findings.  Then, all of the sudden.  It's a bonanza!

This past weekend, I found a really need bar table.  I knew the girl's upstairs were looking for one, and I found it!  I was so excited.  I took a picture and texted it to one of them.  She quickly sent her other half over to where I was with her truck and now it has a new home, along with a number of other decorating goodies.

So, next time you have something you don't want, don't throw it away.  If you don't want to donate to a local thrift shop, consider putting it out on the curb, you never know who may find it.

P.S.  Another good resource is FreeCycle.  They are a great group of people and are all over the country.  It's not picking and shouldn't be confused with it.  It's however a great way to recycle your clothes and other goodies around the house.

Responsibility is Learned

Responsibility is learned.  It's not something that we come by naturally.  

Recently, I had the opportunity to watch, listen and talk to three young women who had moved in together.  They all have a different take on living on their own.  Sadly, one of them has had to move out.  Why?  It wasn't just personality conflict which can come with roommates.  It came down to being responsible.  One of the girls had lost her job because she didn't show up for work and didn't call in.  She didn't really think anything of it, or the consequences of not getting a new job before she quit her job.  Within a few months after losing her job, her roommates became fed up with housing her and feeding her while she'd go out to bars dancing and partying.  

Now, from the perspective of the girl who lost her job, she felt she was looking.  In reality, she'd go out and get a bunch of applications, bring them home and too often they would sit there.  She'd apply for a job now and again, and even had a couple interviews. She wasn't contributing to the household. The other girls would get upset at her because they were working, buying food and cleaning house, while she was only occasionally job hunting, but going out several times a week dancing and drinking.   She'd come home, but she didn't clean house, she didn't buy groceries, but she did eat food that the girls who were working bought.

This young woman felt that as long as she tried (even if it was minutely), that there should be no consequences to getting fired from her job.  She felt that others should feed her, pay her rent, and she should be free to continue living her life as she wanted.  

Instead of stepping back and realizing that the world doesn't work like that. She never took a step back and thought of the fact that her roommates only made enough to support themselves and that they couldn't keep feeding her and cleaning up after her, while she took her time to find a job.  Instead, she put the whole household in jeopardy.   

Sadly, this now 22 year old young woman has to learn the hard way the lessons of responsibility.  It makes me wonder if she was taught that there are consequences to her actions as she was growing up.  If she was then it didn't stick.  

I wish her the best and hope that she is able to learn about responsibility.  

A Walk to the Park

The other day, I wrote about my son asking to stay the afternoon with his big brother and that the reason I wouldn't allow him to wasn't that I felt he could handle it but it was out of fear that I would be judged as putting my children in danger by allowing them to be kids and hang out together.  I am sure that more than a few people thought I was overreacting.  As parents, don't we know our kids best.  We would know if our kids were able to watch over themselves, fix themselves a sandwich and be safe.

Today, there was an article in the Orlando Sentinel about a mom who has been arrested for allowing her child to go to the park a half mile from home. (Florida Mom Arrested After Son Walked to Park)

Perhaps I wasn't just being paranoid about others views of parenting.

I live in Florida, and even this one caught me off.  You see, in Florida, not all districts bus kids to their local school if that school is within 2 walking miles from home.  Florida considers it safe enough to tell parents that their children can walk to school for 2 miles and across busy intersections with very few crossing guards.  Oh, and in case you are wondering, that includes kindergarten students.  I am not exaggerating on either.  We lived in Palm Beach County, one of the richest counties in the state of Florida, and the school district would not pay to bus kids.  In fact, we lived 3 houses east of the very busy Highway US1 and just under 2 miles from the elementary school (around 1 1/2 miles from the local middle school).  Every morning, the elementary kids would be driven to school.  Then, Fred, who was in middle school would take his bike and ride along and across US1, then again across Southern Boulevard on his way to school.  These are not empty streets.  This was in the heart of West Palm Beach and during the same hours that hundreds of commuters were on their way to their prospective jobs.

How is it that they can say, it is perfectly safe for your 5 or 6 year old to walk almost 2 miles to school, but it is not safe for them to walk a half mile (with a cell phone) to a local park to play with friends.  Seems like a double standard to me.  Or rather a bottom line economics.  It also gives very mixed messages to the parents and children.  How do I tell my 7, 8 or 9 year old that they can't go to the park to play because it's not safe for them to go alone that 1/2 mile, but that it is perfectly fine for them to walk a mile or more past the same park to go to school.

Wake up and let us parents be parents.  This mother judged her son to be responsible to walk and play with friends a shorter distance away than the school would have him walk to school. This mother provided her son with a cell phone to stay in touch.  If anything she was being responsible.

I guess my fear wasn't so unfounded after all.

   

Mom... Can I stay home today?

"Mom, can I stay home today by myself?"

"No, dear you cannot."

"Why not?  If there's a problem, I can go upstairs to [the neighbor]."

My son is 9 years old.  Next week, in fact is his birthday and he will be 10.

When we were kids it would have been nothing to stay home for a few hours at 10 by ourselves.  Many of us grew up coming home from school, fixing ourselves snacks, and hanging out with our friends until our parents came home from work.

Why is today so different from then?

Honestly, I know my boys and I feel that my 12 and 9 year old boys would be just fine for a few hours on their own.  I know that they wouldn't go anywhere, and that if there was a problem, that they would go right upstairs to our neighbor or they would call their grandmother or myself.  I can see it now, I'd come home to a sink full of dishes and the an open jug of milk will be left on the counter.

So, why don't I let them?  Why do I instead hover over and say, "Oh, no!"

I'll tell you honestly, it's fear.  Not fear of any trouble my boys may get into, but fear of losing them if I left them alone for an afternoon to watch over themselves.  Fear that even though I know I need to teach them how to take care of themselves and be responsible for themselves that I am not allowed to do just that.  I am not allowed to use my best judgment in raising my children.

Here we are, a society that says at 18, a child is magically transported to adulthood and needs to know, understand and be proficient at all the rules and responsibilities of being a grown-up.... yet, we are not allowed to teach our children what those responsibilities are.  We are not allowed to let them be kids and learn be on their own.  It's a slow process, not a fast one.  And, for me, I'm not talking about leaving him home all day, he just wanted an afternoon.  One afternoon to just hang out with just him and his big brother, doing brotherly bonding over computer games.  I know it, and still I have to say no.

Sorry, baby, Momma isn't going to let you  have an afternoon of boy-time with your brother because Momma doesn't have any desire to go to jail or risk having the state take you away.

Thanks for Lunch

Every so often, I indulge in lunch out of the office.  Either I don't bring my lunch with me to work, or I decide that I want something different.  It doesn't happen that often, but it does happen.

I ordered this yummy looking sandwich, a salad, soda and a cookie.  The staff over at Panera is always so polite and helpful, they make me want to come into their establishment for lunch.  Yet, this same lunch that they are taking the time to fix for me,  they are not being paid enough to order for themselves.  

I am not terribly well paid, so Panera is a big treat for me.  I figure that after taxes are taken out, it amounts to an hour of my work time to pay for a lunch out like the one I had today.  Yet, most employees at lunch counters or other fast food type restaurants are making significantly less than me.  

Talk about an eye opening moment.    

I know that there has been a lot in the news lately about raising the minimum wage.  I think it's a good thing.  I know that I may catch some grief about that, but oh well.  

If we think about fairness and equality, well, it only makes sense.  A lot of people will say though, well, let them find a better job.  But, what if that is the only job they have been able to find.  Others will say, it would hurt businesses to raise the minimum wage.  

I say, take a look at cities and other municipalities that have raised the minimum wage.  The mom and pop shops are still there, and business is booming in those areas.  Unemployment is down and jobs are a plenty.  Most people seem to be doing better overall.

I wouldn't mind spending a few extra cents or a quarter or even a little more than that if it meant that the employees were paid more.  It wouldn't hurt my pocketbook, but it certainly would help that nice gentleman behind the counter who was so nice to me today.  Maybe, just maybe, it would me he also could afford the luxury of taking a lunch out now and again and letting someone serve him.  Or, it could mean something else that he would be able to afford, thus adding to the overall economy.

I think of his smile and kind attitude.  I can tell he wasn't always in this line of work.  Maybe once upon a time he also worked in a nice office job and would go down the street to pick up a lunch now and again.  But, for whatever reason, he is where he is now.  

So, next time you run across the street to grab a little lunch, take a moment, think about that person across the counter from you.  Maybe you can't make them pay them more, but, at least you can give them a smile and be courteous.  They are offering you a service that oftentimes they cannot afford for themselves.

Thanks to all the hard working people out there that do those little jobs.  It does mean a lot to others when you have a smile for us or a friendly word.