The Christmas Tree - Put the Blame in the Right Place

I read the title, as I'm so sure so many other people did "Alabama official apologizes for chopping public park tree for Trump rally".  My first impression was one of those moments, where you immediately want to judge someone, and, that would be Mr. Trump.

But, this wasn't him.  Oh, I'm sure he would have wanted a "big" tree, the "biggest".  But, it wasn't Mr. Trump who took an old beautiful tree from public land and used.  It was the town's mayor's aide.  You could probably go farther down the totem pole, but that's who made the decision.

As much as I will be watching his decisions and what is going on, just as I watch other public officials.  This one, though, we can't and shouldn't blame on him.

It's a prime example of the slant that our media takes in so much.  The words were chosen to make an impact before even one word of the article was read.

It's a time for vigilance.  Read and check facts.  The title will draw you in, they need us the reader to open the article and be engaged.

So, as the year winds up, and the new year begins, we will be seeing more and more of this.  Keep your eyes and minds open.

Political Pissy Moment

Political pissy moment... (don't read unless you understand this is just a vent) ... So, seems so many people think that the less populated areas should have the say over more populated areas and for urban dwellers to shut up... do you want to take aware our voice completely?

Today, the electoral college meets in just over a hour. They will vote Mr. Trump into office, I have no illusions about this.

What is bugging at me is this ... stop it! Just stop it! Just because someone voted against him, does not make them a snowflake. Stop your fake news stories! Stop tromping all over anyone you perceive as liberal just because they say something you don't agree with.

Guess what? You weren't all quiet these last 8 years. We all heard you loud and clear. I heard when our president was made fun of with foul jokes and memes. I heard you when you called for action and laughed that we should go a year when a supreme court justice died, because you didn't want anyone who may possibly have any liberal leanings in position. We heard you. We heard you and that's why so many people are pissed off right now.

Because you were shouting at us all. You were shouting at everyone who didn't agree with you and acting like spoiled brats. Now you are accusing us of the same if we so much as open our mouths.

Guess what? I don't like the idea of Trump as president. I feel he has too many complicated conflicts of interest. I don't like his choices of big business leaders for cabinet positions. I don't like his moral values AT ALL. I don't like how he talks to women. I don't like how he disrespects our allies. I find him wishy washy. The way he speaks is a white American version of ebonics. Both are equally disgusting to hear of someone who is supposed to be representing this great diverse country. I just don't like him. He may do some good things, and he may do some bad things. Right now, I'm not seeing much hope with his idea of "draining the swamp". This draining of the swamp is putting people in seriously important positions for the purpose of dismantling and undermining the purposes of those government agencies.

I'm not crying about it just because I speak my mind.

I will not throw a toddler style tantrum as too many have over the last 8 years. What I will do is stand up for my fellow Americans - all of them.

I am a moderate. I am middle of the road. I have pretty much an equal amount of "conservative" views as "liberal" ones. And, why in tarnations, is conservation and being "green" a "liberal" view? I learned how to be green from some of the most conservative people around.

I look for the truth in the news, and I suggest everyone else does. Stop believing everything you read or hear. Most of it has a slant to it. News is no longer news, it's now entertainment, it's about getting the most views and making money for the company.

And, if you don't agree with what is going on, speak up. I don't care if you are Republican, Democrat, Independent, or something else. If we all don't speak up, we will never be heard.

And, let this be a reminder to everyone. We are NOT a democracy. This is a Republic. Also, this is a capitalist society. And, right now, the capitalist part is being heard loud and clear. We are in for a ride for the next 4 years, it may be good for some, but it's also going to be hard going for a lot of people. I, for one, predict, that people will have to face up to the fact that capitalism won out this election, and the people will speak with their votes in 4 years. In the meantime, bunker down, stick together, AND remember, that conservative or liberal neighbor of yours, is also an American, and their views are just as important. Give them a hug, send them a Christmas card, but don't insult them, don't demean them. That is not what we are about.

Rant over... for now.

Upset in the Electoral College

Ah, do I have your attention now?

Yes, technically, the electoral college could elect Clinton as our next president.  Don't believe me, even I wasn't sure that was true.  So, I did a little research.  In a resent article on Fact Check, "Could Electoral College Elect Clinton?" explains just how this could happen.

However, I do not believe it should happen.  Regardless of how I may feel personally about President-elect Trump, he is our next president.  Our system is not perfect, but it is our system for a variety of reasons.  If we do not like it, then, we have an obligation to reach out to our individual states and look for new solutions.  If we are going to complain about the unfairness of the electoral college, then we need to do more than spout out words on FaceBook or post memes on Twitter.  Don't like it, neither do I, but let's do something about it then.

I've had a few lively discussions lately about the Electoral College.  I've heard both sides of the fence on this.  Mostly, I've heard people who are upset with Trump's win wanting to abolish it.  That is not going to happen.  The groundwork of our Electoral College was laid down in the 2nd article of the Constitution.  But, the Electoral College as we know it was refined by the 12th Amendment.

There have been more proposals set forth to amend the 12th amendment than any other constitutional amendment.  Constitutional amendments are the pulse of our changing nation of our attitudes and values.  They reflect how society and this country has matured over the past couple hundred years.  A search of the U.S. Congress website for legislation proposed regarding "electoral" representatives or college resulted in over 1,500 hits.  That's a lot, and it's going to take me awhile to sort through them all to get to the heart of it.  Even so, it is evident that this is not a Democrat v. Republican issue.  The issues have been brought up by both sides at different times.

In 1987, the American Bar Association has criticized the Electoral College as being "archaic" and "ambiguous".  Wow.  That's all I have to say, just "wow".  This particular reference I am still reviewing and researching.  One article of particular interest in 1996, by Joel Goldstein for the American Bar Association Division of Public Education, entitled "Electoral College Is it a dinosaur that should be abolished or a last bastion of democracy?" made some interesting points both for and against the current system.

One of the predominant reasons I have been hearing in support of the Electoral College is that it gives those states with a lower population a say in the elected President.  I agree that it does.  In the early 1900s, that proportional weight was not so great.  The Midwest and many parts of this country was filled with family farms and small towns.  Today, many small towns have all but disappeared and the family farm has lost way to massive conglomerate operations.  Many of those displaced from the rural areas have moved to the cities.  They have brought their values with them.  At the same time, the population of the urban and suburban areas has increased drastically.  Suburbia did not exist as we know it in the 1800s, or even the early 1900s.  It is a creation of our modern times.  As the population of our country increases, the proportional weight of less populous states will carry more and more weight in the election of our President, it will become the rural "gentry" and the country "gentleman" who will make the decision for the country.

I don't see the electoral college being abolished.  I do not see an amendment occurring to the 12th amendment.  That does not mean hope is lost!

We have a chance now to make our voices heard for the coming years.  The upset about the electoral college is not going to happen because of petitions trying to convince an electoral college to change their mind.  It should not, it is part of our democratic procedure.  That doesn't mean that we need to sit by idly and not move for a change.  Do your homework, find out who in your state executive you can contact and what you can do to make a change.  The change will not happen at the federal level, this is a change that needs to happen at a state level.

Let's make our voices by heard.




 

Quiet for Too Long

I moved to Florida, life seemed to fall apart, and I shut my mouth.

I didn't talk often about what was important to me, I felt unimportant.

Why?

I was no longer a valuable, contributing member of society.  Or, so I thought.

I needed public assistance and was completely embarrassed.  After all, isn't that what happens to those who don't take care of their responsibilities?  Aren't food stamps for "slackers".  Obamacare is for people who don't work, isn't it?  The answer to all of these questions is a resounding "NO".

I did not want to bring attention to myself and my family, so I kept my mouth shut.

Well, the time has come... I am going to open my mouth.  I am going to speak about what is important to myself and my family.

By keeping my mouth shut and not speaking up, I have added to the problem.  I added to the misconception of the poor being uneducated and not worthy.

My children and I worked hard together.  It may have been me bringing in the paycheck, but they contributed.  They got along when we had no where to live but a two bedroom apartment.  They smiled when I knew they were sad that Momma said, "We are going to Salvation Army for school clothes.  We have to save."

Today, we have moved out of that situation.  Things are still tough, and they will be for a long time.  But, it is time for this Momma to stop hiding in a cave for fear of what the rest of the world thinks, and saying what is important.

Electoral College Number Crunch

Alright, I crunched my numbers... this whole electoral college thing has been bothering me. So, think of it this way.... Why does it take 3.75 people in Texas to have the vote power of one person in Wyoming. Yes, I did a whole chart of the entire country, and will be adding to it. It wouldn't have changed the outcome if our process was better proportioned with their value, or maybe it would have. I haven't finished all my computations yet.

My point is, my vote should not be lesser because I live in a more populous state. If all things were equal, Texas should have 142 electoral votes to Wyoming's 3 electoral votes. Both sides are being devalued by this system. I'm not saying abolish it, though I think it has had it's day. Yet, there is no way we are going to get a constitutional amendment to change it. Our votes cannot be so disproportionate. States need to rethink how these votes are cast.

Another issue, the electoral college is based on number of seats in Congress, which in turn is based on the census. So, if one state has a huge population growth in between censuses, they will not be accurately represented by Congress or the electoral college. As long as we stick with the electoral college, I see no way to change this aspect of it. And, that is a bag of worms, I don't think anyone wants to open up.

This is not being a snowflake or crying about not winning. This is being realistic. The electoral college was not set up to protect less populous states from the big bad city dwellers, who I believe that if we look at it would also be disproportionately minorities as compared to the lower population states ... another column to look at in my chart.

I want my vote to count. I don't want to think, "okay, it will take myself and 3.63 other people in Florida to vote for the same person to be equal to a vote by someone in Wyoming".

Or, how about this, if you want it structured as it is based on Congress, meaning there will not be a higher total than there is currently of electoral votes. Why don't we go on our congressional districts? Then, the two minimum of electoral votes for each state go to the popular vote for that state.

For instance, if the 2nd District of Florida (Tallahassee) had a popular vote for the Democrat, then their electoral vote should go to the Democrat. In the same light, if the 4th District of Florida (Jacksonville) had a popular vote for the Republican, then their electoral vote should go to the Republican. At the same time, if the total popular vote for Florida went for the Republican, then the 2 electoral votes for the state which are allocated based on our seats in the Senate would go to the Republican candidate. Each area then is represented by their constituency. No, I am still not saying it would have changed the final outcome, but at least people would know their vote actually counted. I, for one, feel my vote in this presidential election did not count because of the winner take all consensus of the electoral college.

Don't tempt me, I may also go figure this out as well.

Prison Should Not Be Relief from Child Support

This morning, I read an article through Yahoo News entitled "Prison Is No Relief From Child Support".  The article talks about a move to require states to reduce the amount of child support owed by an incarcerated parent.

Whatever a person's feelings are on the incarcerated parent, or the parent who is not incarcerated and is carrying for any children, it does not diminish the needs of the child.  Having a parent in jail is hard on children.  Now, let's make it a little harder.

As a parent who is owed back child support, I can say, it hurts terribly.  I am not going to allow my child to suffer for it though.  I also know that eventually, I will see that child support.  It's already as if I am giving the other parent an interest free loan for his portion of raising our child.

Now, let's take that a step farther, if he was to commit a crime and end up in jail, that should be on him.  It should not be for me,  I should not be penalized if he committed a crime.

The article says that all the responsible parent wants is some type of reimbursement.  But, if there is to be a settlement made, then let me have a word in it.  What if, as the other parent who is all of the sudden not receiving their child support, debt is incurred.  They may well be dependent on knowing that eventually the amount owed them is going to be paid.  That light at the end of the tunnel, that somehow, someday, it will come.  I know for me, that light has been a beacon in the past.

There is another side to this as well, and that is the side of those who do make their child support payments faithfully.  Who care about their children and do everything they can to care for them.  What about all those great parents out there that put their kids first, that make sure that their children are cared for?  Committing a crime and being send to jail is completely a voluntary underemployment issue.  By reducing the amount of child support on those who commit criminal acts, is rewarding those ill acts, it is also devaluing the good parents out there who will do anything to care for their children.

I have a great amount of respect for parents on both sides of the fence out there.  There should be respect for those who are on the receiving end of child support and for those who pay child support.  These parents should not be disrespected and devalued by such regulations.  Regulations such as this only will hurt good parents out there and reward criminals.

Mom Doesn't Know Best

Yet again, some parents are being investigated by CPS for ... allowing their children to walk go to the park alone.

This time the children are 6 and 10.

Six to me is young to being going to the park.  At the same time, this is something similar to what I've done.

A couple years ago, I would let my oldest son walk my younger son to his friend's house a few blocks away.  The deal was simple, he had to call as soon as he arrived and he had to call before he left so someone could come get him.  Fred was 10 and Thom was 8.

He wasn't allowed to cross the street alone.  My biggest concern wasn't someone snatching the boys.  It was a safe neighborhood.  Kids were always running and riding bikes around.  My biggest concern that because of Thom's height, a car may not see him.

When we were kids, in 1st and 2nd grade, we were allowed to go the park, and roam the neighborhood.  Our parents deemed it safe.  If we had lived in a different neighborhood that wasn't so safe, I don't doubt my parents would have said no.

Today, my mother watches the kids after school.  They are not allowed to play outside without supervision.  Emma has friends in the neighborhood, but still, she isn't allowed.  Emma is 8.  The reason is that she is afraid it isn't safe.

The world has changed.  Or rather, attitudes have changed.

Twenty years ago, you rarely heard about the things that happened two towns over, much less in another state.   Now, we constantly hear it.  We are inundated with it.

My aunt was a social worker in small town Pennsylvania.  I don't remember much about what she did, but I do remember from time to time having to go on a late night run to check on a report or neglect or abuse.  This type of thing happened then also.  Our world isn't safer or less safe.  We are more informed.  And, sometimes that knowledge does not add to better our lives, but instead hinders us and makes us fearful.

Commuting Thoughts - Birth Certificates and Race

My Daughter Has An IPad

The economy today is horrific.  There is no denying it.  Families all over the country are finding themselves with little or no savings.  Most are only a paycheck or two away from homelessness themselves.

It seems that everyday I read another article online about another family online who is willing to be the brunt of an article.  They are willing to open themselves up to the criticism that they know will follow.  

Today's article (A Day in the Life of a Family of 6 Trying to Survive on Fast Food Wages)  featured in the New York Magazine is about a family in Texas.  Four of the family members work in fast food.  Dad is ill, Mom works two jobs, and two of the high school daughters also work.  They live in a small apartment.  

When I read these articles, I always take the time to look at the comments that people have left.  Inevitably there is the comments about having too many children.  What got me today was the other comments that are so common.  They have an iPod.  

Oh no!  How dare they have something for entertainment!

Take a step back now please... when was the last time you saw an iPod?  There aren't that many being used anymore.  Most of the iPods out there are old, many scratched up, and still many more sitting in a drawer doing nothing.  I know that a lot of people think that this family should take that little iPod and pawn it or sell it some other way.  For all of you out there, is the $10 or $15 worth it?  Is it worth to sell this trinket, a bit of normality and entertainment, for what wouldn't even amount to a family meal?

You see, my daughter has an iPad.  Not an iPod like this family, but an actual iPad.  It's a first generation one without any camera and most of the newer apps won't work on it because it can't be upgraded anymore.  Her iPad was a gift for her 8th birthday last September.  It's not the greatest and it dosen't always charge correctly, but she loves it.  

Last weekend I took her to the pawn shop with me.  She was going to trade in her iPad and with a few dollars savings that she had saved up wanted to get one with a camera.  They offered us $15 for her little iPad.  The next step up would be almost $200.  Needless to say, that was a lot more than this little girl of 8 had saved up and a lot more than Momma could afford to add to her savings.  She choose to keep her beloved iPad.  

I know that people question how I could possibly justify her having an iPad when I make barely over minimum wage myself.  I justify it simply as it gives her enjoyment.  They don't need to know that it was a gift or that selling it would only merit $15.  

My daughter sacrifices a lot already.  The five of us live in a two bedroom apartment.  The boys have a room and us girls share a room.  Only last month was I able to find a cot I could afford so that all three of us girls aren't sharing one bed.  Emma has her own bed again, it's a camping cot with some old couch cushions on it to make it a little more comfy.  She will lounge on it as if she's queen of the world with her precious iPad watching videos on YouTube or playing a game of MineCraft.  

Judge me if you will as you judge these families, but a $15 dollar dinner isn't worth it to me to take away a small luxury from my daughter.  

She's keeping her iPad, so go ahead and judge me like you do these other families.  It's okay.  I'm a Momma Bear, I can handle it.

Recycle Your Old Food

Ah, the question of the day, is recycling worth the extra effort.

Recently, Seattle, Washington enacted a new law when it comes to those nasty leftovers.

It is no longer acceptable to simply scrape that plate into the trash.  Now, residents are being required to recycle that old food or face fines.  It seems a lot of people are up in arms in one of the most progressive areas in the country.  For awhile now food businesses have been required to sort those waste edibles for recycling and composting.  Now, all sorts of businesses and individuals are going to be required to do the same.

I remember when no one recycled.  There was no yellow or blue bins at the side of the road on trash day.  Everyone put everything in the trash.  Some people would save and wash their tuna cans for gardening or projects, but for the most part, when you were done with it, straight to the trash it went.  Now, everyone is familiar with recycling and most people in this country recycle to some extent.  Yet, when plastic and paper recycling began, many people were upset.  They didn't want the smell sitting in their yard, it was disgusting, it was going to take too much precious time. ... ah, the reasons that people had back then.  Ironically, they are the same as today with the objections to recycling food waste.

After all, how much difference would it really make?

Recycling does make a difference.  If you question that, I invite you to my apartment complex.  For the first time in more years than I can count, I live somewhere that there is no recycling.  Every week, the huge ugly trash dumpsters fill up with everyone's garbage.  The reek is near unbearable during the summer months.  My apartment complex has around 10 dumpsters, two of which are those huge open monstrosities that you need a tractor trailer to haul off.

Across the street from us is another apartment complex.  They have only 6 smaller dumpsters and a recycling dumpster.  Their dumpsters are never full, and I've the smell is not overwhelming even on the hottest day.  That little bit of recycling that each neighbor does adds up.  Their complex is neat and the dumpsters are never overflowing.  They take recycling and reusing seriously there.  On just about any given day, you can find a decent piece of furniture, or a bag of clothing, or even a set of dishes sitting on the utility box next to one of the dumpsters.

I must admit that I've been tempted to sort out my recyclables and drop them off across the street in that other complex.  Until then, I do the little I can.... I keep a bag on my back door for aluminum cans.  Even a few of the neighbors know that they can drop their cans off at my apartment.  I then crush them and take them to my step-dad who turns them in for a little bit of extra cash.  Those few cans may not make much of a difference to some, but to me, that's one less thing in those big ugly dumpsters.

Seattle, here's what I have to say.  Please take the time and before you know it, you will wonder why the rest of the country isn't following suit.  Then again, if you don't want to have to recycle your old leftovers, maybe it's time to take a look at how much you waste.  Maybe you'll be surprised and start eating those leftovers instead of dropping them in the trash.  It certainly won't hurt your budget, unless you decide the fines are more up your alley.

When Your Car Is No Longer Worth Fixing

"We have to stop meeting like this."

Those were the words out of my favorite mechanic's mouth.  Once again, my little Sebring was in at the autoshop for repairs.  This time, the engine light was on steady and it was making a horrifying sound.

It turns out that a gasket on the oil pan had gone bad.  That nice new oil change I had a month ago was worthless.  My car had no oil left in it.  

This marked the $3500 mark in repairs since I bought the car in March and my little Sebring was not worth that much.  Actually, I doubt it was even worth the $2000 I paid for it in  only 9 months ago.  At this rate, I could have been making a car payment for something a little newer and sturdier.  But, my little precious Anika loved her purple Sebring.  And, quite frankly I figured there was no way I could possibly afford anything better.  

Still, I paid the $400 for yet another repair with the promise to myself that I wouldn't be meeting my mechanic with another problem for months.  

Driving the next few days, I realized.  I can baby the car all I want, but it wasn't going to last through the year.  Even if it did, my precious Sebring had become a money pit.

Enter ... Greeway Dodge.  I brought my little car in there and they took care of me.  The first night I went, I really nice salesman by the name of Cody helped me.  I told him I didn't want to test drive, just look around.  He took his time showing me my options, listening to my concerns and especially my needs.  The next day, I came back.  Another salesman helped me this time, but we went straight for the car that Cody recommended to me.  A beautifully kept 2005 Buick Terraza.

Even so, it was hard saying goodbye to my little Sebring.  Now, though I have my new car.  It fits all the kids and there is no more "She's touching me" going on.

Jaime, the Bearded Dragon, and the Emergency Vet

"Mom, Jaime's not walking right and she keeps turning over."

"What?"

Poor little Jaime, Emma's bearded dragon, was dragging her leg behind her. I was terrified that she had broken her leg.  Evidently, she had jumped off of Fred's lap and banged her leg into the wall in the process.

What is a Mom to do?  Afterall, Moms are supposed to fix everything.

So, I got on the phone and started calling around to different vets.  This all had to happen on a Saturday afternoon, didn't it?

Finally, after several calls I called back the first vet that was on my list, Winter Park Veterninary Hospital.  They sounded nice enough on the phone, and they could see Jaime today.  Not all vets will even see lizards, and Jaime is all lizard.

We arrived and were seen almost immediately.  I didn't even get a chance to sample from their selection of Keurig coffees.

In short order, the veterinary technician in and Jaime was weighed, and the technician left.  I'm expecting, a bit more of a weight and sit down to read one of the magazines on the rack in the room.  Completely surprised that they had magazines for reptile lovers.

 I didn't even have a chance to read an article before the vet was coming in the room.

She carefully inspected Jaime's leg and explained the whole process to Emma who was obviously concerned about her baby.  The vet couldn't tell whether or not the leg was broken right off, but Jaime had feeling in her leg, which the vet explained to Emma was a good thing.

Off Jaime went for x-rays.

Not even 15 minutes later, the nurse was back with the good news.  The leg wasn't broken!

Hurray!

The technician explained that Jaime had just sprained it and would only need a little anti-inflamatory and pain medication.

Complete and total relief was evident in both Emma and myself.

Emma was obviously curious about the x-rays and the vet technician picked up on this.  She asked if Emma would like to see the x-rays.  This really impressed me.

What impressed me even more, was that when we were brought out to the x-ray viewing machine, the vet was back, explaining all of the x-rays to Emma and showing her how nicely everything looked.  The vet took the time to explain and show Emma that Jaime's leg was not broken and that the swelling was from it being sprained.

I can't verbalize just how greatful I am to them.  I never thought I'd have to take a lizard to the vet, but I am glad that when I had to that I was able to find such a wonderful and caring veterinary hospital as Winter Park Veterinary Hospital.

Responsibility is Learned

Responsibility is learned.  It's not something that we come by naturally.  

Recently, I had the opportunity to watch, listen and talk to three young women who had moved in together.  They all have a different take on living on their own.  Sadly, one of them has had to move out.  Why?  It wasn't just personality conflict which can come with roommates.  It came down to being responsible.  One of the girls had lost her job because she didn't show up for work and didn't call in.  She didn't really think anything of it, or the consequences of not getting a new job before she quit her job.  Within a few months after losing her job, her roommates became fed up with housing her and feeding her while she'd go out to bars dancing and partying.  

Now, from the perspective of the girl who lost her job, she felt she was looking.  In reality, she'd go out and get a bunch of applications, bring them home and too often they would sit there.  She'd apply for a job now and again, and even had a couple interviews. She wasn't contributing to the household. The other girls would get upset at her because they were working, buying food and cleaning house, while she was only occasionally job hunting, but going out several times a week dancing and drinking.   She'd come home, but she didn't clean house, she didn't buy groceries, but she did eat food that the girls who were working bought.

This young woman felt that as long as she tried (even if it was minutely), that there should be no consequences to getting fired from her job.  She felt that others should feed her, pay her rent, and she should be free to continue living her life as she wanted.  

Instead of stepping back and realizing that the world doesn't work like that. She never took a step back and thought of the fact that her roommates only made enough to support themselves and that they couldn't keep feeding her and cleaning up after her, while she took her time to find a job.  Instead, she put the whole household in jeopardy.   

Sadly, this now 22 year old young woman has to learn the hard way the lessons of responsibility.  It makes me wonder if she was taught that there are consequences to her actions as she was growing up.  If she was then it didn't stick.  

I wish her the best and hope that she is able to learn about responsibility.  

A Walk to the Park

The other day, I wrote about my son asking to stay the afternoon with his big brother and that the reason I wouldn't allow him to wasn't that I felt he could handle it but it was out of fear that I would be judged as putting my children in danger by allowing them to be kids and hang out together.  I am sure that more than a few people thought I was overreacting.  As parents, don't we know our kids best.  We would know if our kids were able to watch over themselves, fix themselves a sandwich and be safe.

Today, there was an article in the Orlando Sentinel about a mom who has been arrested for allowing her child to go to the park a half mile from home. (Florida Mom Arrested After Son Walked to Park)

Perhaps I wasn't just being paranoid about others views of parenting.

I live in Florida, and even this one caught me off.  You see, in Florida, not all districts bus kids to their local school if that school is within 2 walking miles from home.  Florida considers it safe enough to tell parents that their children can walk to school for 2 miles and across busy intersections with very few crossing guards.  Oh, and in case you are wondering, that includes kindergarten students.  I am not exaggerating on either.  We lived in Palm Beach County, one of the richest counties in the state of Florida, and the school district would not pay to bus kids.  In fact, we lived 3 houses east of the very busy Highway US1 and just under 2 miles from the elementary school (around 1 1/2 miles from the local middle school).  Every morning, the elementary kids would be driven to school.  Then, Fred, who was in middle school would take his bike and ride along and across US1, then again across Southern Boulevard on his way to school.  These are not empty streets.  This was in the heart of West Palm Beach and during the same hours that hundreds of commuters were on their way to their prospective jobs.

How is it that they can say, it is perfectly safe for your 5 or 6 year old to walk almost 2 miles to school, but it is not safe for them to walk a half mile (with a cell phone) to a local park to play with friends.  Seems like a double standard to me.  Or rather a bottom line economics.  It also gives very mixed messages to the parents and children.  How do I tell my 7, 8 or 9 year old that they can't go to the park to play because it's not safe for them to go alone that 1/2 mile, but that it is perfectly fine for them to walk a mile or more past the same park to go to school.

Wake up and let us parents be parents.  This mother judged her son to be responsible to walk and play with friends a shorter distance away than the school would have him walk to school. This mother provided her son with a cell phone to stay in touch.  If anything she was being responsible.

I guess my fear wasn't so unfounded after all.

   

Mom... Can I stay home today?

"Mom, can I stay home today by myself?"

"No, dear you cannot."

"Why not?  If there's a problem, I can go upstairs to [the neighbor]."

My son is 9 years old.  Next week, in fact is his birthday and he will be 10.

When we were kids it would have been nothing to stay home for a few hours at 10 by ourselves.  Many of us grew up coming home from school, fixing ourselves snacks, and hanging out with our friends until our parents came home from work.

Why is today so different from then?

Honestly, I know my boys and I feel that my 12 and 9 year old boys would be just fine for a few hours on their own.  I know that they wouldn't go anywhere, and that if there was a problem, that they would go right upstairs to our neighbor or they would call their grandmother or myself.  I can see it now, I'd come home to a sink full of dishes and the an open jug of milk will be left on the counter.

So, why don't I let them?  Why do I instead hover over and say, "Oh, no!"

I'll tell you honestly, it's fear.  Not fear of any trouble my boys may get into, but fear of losing them if I left them alone for an afternoon to watch over themselves.  Fear that even though I know I need to teach them how to take care of themselves and be responsible for themselves that I am not allowed to do just that.  I am not allowed to use my best judgment in raising my children.

Here we are, a society that says at 18, a child is magically transported to adulthood and needs to know, understand and be proficient at all the rules and responsibilities of being a grown-up.... yet, we are not allowed to teach our children what those responsibilities are.  We are not allowed to let them be kids and learn be on their own.  It's a slow process, not a fast one.  And, for me, I'm not talking about leaving him home all day, he just wanted an afternoon.  One afternoon to just hang out with just him and his big brother, doing brotherly bonding over computer games.  I know it, and still I have to say no.

Sorry, baby, Momma isn't going to let you  have an afternoon of boy-time with your brother because Momma doesn't have any desire to go to jail or risk having the state take you away.