Since the election, I hear a lot about "snowflakes" and adults acting like "children" for being upset about the election.  Here's a little something for you to consider as we continue to talk to our children about the election. 

My daughter has a half brother, who is absolutely adorable and handsome and smart. He is also a quarter Cuban. No big deal, right? Except, that she was afraid her brother would be deported. Her brother who was born here in the US to US citizens. Her brother who has a very respectable grandfather who came to this country and made a good and honest life for himself. She was afraid that Trump would send her brother away and build a wall. 

So, when I worry about how this election has affected our children, take heart, there is a reason, and it is very personal. Her name is Anika and she is 5 years old. She is a child and she cried. I explained to her that no one would ever be sending her brother away or kicking him out of the country. She doesn't understand what a country is. She doesn't understand that there are different religions. She doesn't understand that there are different races. She understands that she loves her brother dearly.

Yes, I understand that President-Elect Trump is not building a wall.  I understand that he is not deporting American citizens.  But, our children don't always understand.  It may takes days, weeks, or even months for them to come to us with their fears or concerns.  

Answer them truthfully, but keep in mind they are children.  And, the thing they first need to know is that you love them and that you will protect them no matter what they may see on the news, or in the schools.

I will continue to teach my children love and respect for ALL people, regardless of race or creed. And, when my children grow up, they will continue that legacy.

Quiet for Too Long

I moved to Florida, life seemed to fall apart, and I shut my mouth.

I didn't talk often about what was important to me, I felt unimportant.

Why?

I was no longer a valuable, contributing member of society.  Or, so I thought.

I needed public assistance and was completely embarrassed.  After all, isn't that what happens to those who don't take care of their responsibilities?  Aren't food stamps for "slackers".  Obamacare is for people who don't work, isn't it?  The answer to all of these questions is a resounding "NO".

I did not want to bring attention to myself and my family, so I kept my mouth shut.

Well, the time has come... I am going to open my mouth.  I am going to speak about what is important to myself and my family.

By keeping my mouth shut and not speaking up, I have added to the problem.  I added to the misconception of the poor being uneducated and not worthy.

My children and I worked hard together.  It may have been me bringing in the paycheck, but they contributed.  They got along when we had no where to live but a two bedroom apartment.  They smiled when I knew they were sad that Momma said, "We are going to Salvation Army for school clothes.  We have to save."

Today, we have moved out of that situation.  Things are still tough, and they will be for a long time.  But, it is time for this Momma to stop hiding in a cave for fear of what the rest of the world thinks, and saying what is important.

Prison Should Not Be Relief from Child Support

This morning, I read an article through Yahoo News entitled "Prison Is No Relief From Child Support".  The article talks about a move to require states to reduce the amount of child support owed by an incarcerated parent.

Whatever a person's feelings are on the incarcerated parent, or the parent who is not incarcerated and is carrying for any children, it does not diminish the needs of the child.  Having a parent in jail is hard on children.  Now, let's make it a little harder.

As a parent who is owed back child support, I can say, it hurts terribly.  I am not going to allow my child to suffer for it though.  I also know that eventually, I will see that child support.  It's already as if I am giving the other parent an interest free loan for his portion of raising our child.

Now, let's take that a step farther, if he was to commit a crime and end up in jail, that should be on him.  It should not be for me,  I should not be penalized if he committed a crime.

The article says that all the responsible parent wants is some type of reimbursement.  But, if there is to be a settlement made, then let me have a word in it.  What if, as the other parent who is all of the sudden not receiving their child support, debt is incurred.  They may well be dependent on knowing that eventually the amount owed them is going to be paid.  That light at the end of the tunnel, that somehow, someday, it will come.  I know for me, that light has been a beacon in the past.

There is another side to this as well, and that is the side of those who do make their child support payments faithfully.  Who care about their children and do everything they can to care for them.  What about all those great parents out there that put their kids first, that make sure that their children are cared for?  Committing a crime and being send to jail is completely a voluntary underemployment issue.  By reducing the amount of child support on those who commit criminal acts, is rewarding those ill acts, it is also devaluing the good parents out there who will do anything to care for their children.

I have a great amount of respect for parents on both sides of the fence out there.  There should be respect for those who are on the receiving end of child support and for those who pay child support.  These parents should not be disrespected and devalued by such regulations.  Regulations such as this only will hurt good parents out there and reward criminals.

To My Gaming Son ...

This morning, my son shared a YouTube video with me about "10 Things Gamers' Parents Need To Know".

Here's my response ...

Mom speaking here ... I'm pretty good with most of this, but I wish there were some things that gamers knew... My biggest is, dinner is served every night at roughly the same time,please don't start a new game or something that you can't walk away with before dinner.  No one likes cold dinner.  I haven't sat down since I got home from work, the least you can do is come to the table.  Periodically, I will let you eat at your desk, but that is not an everyday thing. Bedtime is bedtime, yes, I realize you can't pause.  No, I don't care if you get kicked from the game for a period of time.  I want to go to sleep also and 11 PM on a school night is too late, especially when I've said something every half hour for the past 2 hours.  So, if need be, I will happily sing a bedtime song right next to your mike.  I am not beyond making a fool of myself if it means you get the sleep you don't think you need. Please don't make me disconnect the modem.  My only time of relaxation is at night and I enjoy my Netflix. Love,  Mom

Mom Doesn't Know Best

Yet again, some parents are being investigated by CPS for ... allowing their children to walk go to the park alone.

This time the children are 6 and 10.

Six to me is young to being going to the park.  At the same time, this is something similar to what I've done.

A couple years ago, I would let my oldest son walk my younger son to his friend's house a few blocks away.  The deal was simple, he had to call as soon as he arrived and he had to call before he left so someone could come get him.  Fred was 10 and Thom was 8.

He wasn't allowed to cross the street alone.  My biggest concern wasn't someone snatching the boys.  It was a safe neighborhood.  Kids were always running and riding bikes around.  My biggest concern that because of Thom's height, a car may not see him.

When we were kids, in 1st and 2nd grade, we were allowed to go the park, and roam the neighborhood.  Our parents deemed it safe.  If we had lived in a different neighborhood that wasn't so safe, I don't doubt my parents would have said no.

Today, my mother watches the kids after school.  They are not allowed to play outside without supervision.  Emma has friends in the neighborhood, but still, she isn't allowed.  Emma is 8.  The reason is that she is afraid it isn't safe.

The world has changed.  Or rather, attitudes have changed.

Twenty years ago, you rarely heard about the things that happened two towns over, much less in another state.   Now, we constantly hear it.  We are inundated with it.

My aunt was a social worker in small town Pennsylvania.  I don't remember much about what she did, but I do remember from time to time having to go on a late night run to check on a report or neglect or abuse.  This type of thing happened then also.  Our world isn't safer or less safe.  We are more informed.  And, sometimes that knowledge does not add to better our lives, but instead hinders us and makes us fearful.

My Daughter Has An IPad

The economy today is horrific.  There is no denying it.  Families all over the country are finding themselves with little or no savings.  Most are only a paycheck or two away from homelessness themselves.

It seems that everyday I read another article online about another family online who is willing to be the brunt of an article.  They are willing to open themselves up to the criticism that they know will follow.  

Today's article (A Day in the Life of a Family of 6 Trying to Survive on Fast Food Wages)  featured in the New York Magazine is about a family in Texas.  Four of the family members work in fast food.  Dad is ill, Mom works two jobs, and two of the high school daughters also work.  They live in a small apartment.  

When I read these articles, I always take the time to look at the comments that people have left.  Inevitably there is the comments about having too many children.  What got me today was the other comments that are so common.  They have an iPod.  

Oh no!  How dare they have something for entertainment!

Take a step back now please... when was the last time you saw an iPod?  There aren't that many being used anymore.  Most of the iPods out there are old, many scratched up, and still many more sitting in a drawer doing nothing.  I know that a lot of people think that this family should take that little iPod and pawn it or sell it some other way.  For all of you out there, is the $10 or $15 worth it?  Is it worth to sell this trinket, a bit of normality and entertainment, for what wouldn't even amount to a family meal?

You see, my daughter has an iPad.  Not an iPod like this family, but an actual iPad.  It's a first generation one without any camera and most of the newer apps won't work on it because it can't be upgraded anymore.  Her iPad was a gift for her 8th birthday last September.  It's not the greatest and it dosen't always charge correctly, but she loves it.  

Last weekend I took her to the pawn shop with me.  She was going to trade in her iPad and with a few dollars savings that she had saved up wanted to get one with a camera.  They offered us $15 for her little iPad.  The next step up would be almost $200.  Needless to say, that was a lot more than this little girl of 8 had saved up and a lot more than Momma could afford to add to her savings.  She choose to keep her beloved iPad.  

I know that people question how I could possibly justify her having an iPad when I make barely over minimum wage myself.  I justify it simply as it gives her enjoyment.  They don't need to know that it was a gift or that selling it would only merit $15.  

My daughter sacrifices a lot already.  The five of us live in a two bedroom apartment.  The boys have a room and us girls share a room.  Only last month was I able to find a cot I could afford so that all three of us girls aren't sharing one bed.  Emma has her own bed again, it's a camping cot with some old couch cushions on it to make it a little more comfy.  She will lounge on it as if she's queen of the world with her precious iPad watching videos on YouTube or playing a game of MineCraft.  

Judge me if you will as you judge these families, but a $15 dollar dinner isn't worth it to me to take away a small luxury from my daughter.  

She's keeping her iPad, so go ahead and judge me like you do these other families.  It's okay.  I'm a Momma Bear, I can handle it.

She knew a young man

Who since he was a tyke

Liked to dance and sing

He liked music so much …

He’d dance so much

He broke his bed

The house would shake

As the volume went up

He’d beatbox to his own music

Listening to it in his head

Making a world all through the sound

Though Momma would say,

“Quiet down now!”

She secretly smiled

At his strange sound

But they weren’t just sounds

And Momma knew

It was the music shining through

So sing and dance

And let the music play

Fill your world my young man

With the music of your own day

Open Letter In Response to "Dear White Moms"

Dear Moms Everywhere,

I read a letter today in the Huffington Post, and it is a letter I think we all needed to read.  So, please take a moment, and read "Dear White Moms".

Why?  Because, we need to all unite to stop this madness.

I am tired.

I am tired of hearing about how an unarmed child has been shot or beat up by those who we raise them to respect and go to for help.

I am tired of this being a race issue.  It shouldn't be.  It is an issue for all of us moms everywhere in this country.  This effects us all.

I am tired of all our children learning to fear police instead of looking to them for comfort and protection.

I am an American.  I try to raise my children as Americans.  Not as "white" Americans.  I want to raise them to not see others as being different, lesser, privileged or more equal,

Perhaps now we are hearing more and more about these horrific cases because of the Internet.  If so, then... Good.  We need to know.

We all need to know that this is happening.  If we don't know, if we insulate ourselves in our "clean" suburbs, behind the doors of McMansions, and gated communities, then we we are part of the problem.

I want as much as any other mom to protect my child from the horrors of war.  But, that is what we have.  It is a war.

It is a war on all of our children.  Our children are learning to not trust those who they should feel safe to go to for help.  If our children run to a police officer, will they be shot.  If their friends are in need of help, will they be afraid because of the color of their skin.

If we as moms everywhere don't unite and find a way to stop this madness, then it will continue and it will get worse.  All of our children will suffer.

I implore all of you.  All of you moms and dads, let's fight this.  No more should die because of this war on our children.

Let us not turn a blind eye to abuses on our children.  Let's speak up and insist that our children whether they be black, white, hispanic, mixed, or of any race be treated with the respect that they as human beings deserve.

Signed,
An American Mom