Since the election, I hear a lot about "snowflakes" and adults acting like "children" for being upset about the election.  Here's a little something for you to consider as we continue to talk to our children about the election. 

My daughter has a half brother, who is absolutely adorable and handsome and smart. He is also a quarter Cuban. No big deal, right? Except, that she was afraid her brother would be deported. Her brother who was born here in the US to US citizens. Her brother who has a very respectable grandfather who came to this country and made a good and honest life for himself. She was afraid that Trump would send her brother away and build a wall. 

So, when I worry about how this election has affected our children, take heart, there is a reason, and it is very personal. Her name is Anika and she is 5 years old. She is a child and she cried. I explained to her that no one would ever be sending her brother away or kicking him out of the country. She doesn't understand what a country is. She doesn't understand that there are different religions. She doesn't understand that there are different races. She understands that she loves her brother dearly.

Yes, I understand that President-Elect Trump is not building a wall.  I understand that he is not deporting American citizens.  But, our children don't always understand.  It may takes days, weeks, or even months for them to come to us with their fears or concerns.  

Answer them truthfully, but keep in mind they are children.  And, the thing they first need to know is that you love them and that you will protect them no matter what they may see on the news, or in the schools.

I will continue to teach my children love and respect for ALL people, regardless of race or creed. And, when my children grow up, they will continue that legacy.

Quiet for Too Long

I moved to Florida, life seemed to fall apart, and I shut my mouth.

I didn't talk often about what was important to me, I felt unimportant.

Why?

I was no longer a valuable, contributing member of society.  Or, so I thought.

I needed public assistance and was completely embarrassed.  After all, isn't that what happens to those who don't take care of their responsibilities?  Aren't food stamps for "slackers".  Obamacare is for people who don't work, isn't it?  The answer to all of these questions is a resounding "NO".

I did not want to bring attention to myself and my family, so I kept my mouth shut.

Well, the time has come... I am going to open my mouth.  I am going to speak about what is important to myself and my family.

By keeping my mouth shut and not speaking up, I have added to the problem.  I added to the misconception of the poor being uneducated and not worthy.

My children and I worked hard together.  It may have been me bringing in the paycheck, but they contributed.  They got along when we had no where to live but a two bedroom apartment.  They smiled when I knew they were sad that Momma said, "We are going to Salvation Army for school clothes.  We have to save."

Today, we have moved out of that situation.  Things are still tough, and they will be for a long time.  But, it is time for this Momma to stop hiding in a cave for fear of what the rest of the world thinks, and saying what is important.

Prison Should Not Be Relief from Child Support

This morning, I read an article through Yahoo News entitled "Prison Is No Relief From Child Support".  The article talks about a move to require states to reduce the amount of child support owed by an incarcerated parent.

Whatever a person's feelings are on the incarcerated parent, or the parent who is not incarcerated and is carrying for any children, it does not diminish the needs of the child.  Having a parent in jail is hard on children.  Now, let's make it a little harder.

As a parent who is owed back child support, I can say, it hurts terribly.  I am not going to allow my child to suffer for it though.  I also know that eventually, I will see that child support.  It's already as if I am giving the other parent an interest free loan for his portion of raising our child.

Now, let's take that a step farther, if he was to commit a crime and end up in jail, that should be on him.  It should not be for me,  I should not be penalized if he committed a crime.

The article says that all the responsible parent wants is some type of reimbursement.  But, if there is to be a settlement made, then let me have a word in it.  What if, as the other parent who is all of the sudden not receiving their child support, debt is incurred.  They may well be dependent on knowing that eventually the amount owed them is going to be paid.  That light at the end of the tunnel, that somehow, someday, it will come.  I know for me, that light has been a beacon in the past.

There is another side to this as well, and that is the side of those who do make their child support payments faithfully.  Who care about their children and do everything they can to care for them.  What about all those great parents out there that put their kids first, that make sure that their children are cared for?  Committing a crime and being send to jail is completely a voluntary underemployment issue.  By reducing the amount of child support on those who commit criminal acts, is rewarding those ill acts, it is also devaluing the good parents out there who will do anything to care for their children.

I have a great amount of respect for parents on both sides of the fence out there.  There should be respect for those who are on the receiving end of child support and for those who pay child support.  These parents should not be disrespected and devalued by such regulations.  Regulations such as this only will hurt good parents out there and reward criminals.

To My Gaming Son ...

This morning, my son shared a YouTube video with me about "10 Things Gamers' Parents Need To Know".

Here's my response ...

Mom speaking here ... I'm pretty good with most of this, but I wish there were some things that gamers knew... My biggest is, dinner is served every night at roughly the same time,please don't start a new game or something that you can't walk away with before dinner.  No one likes cold dinner.  I haven't sat down since I got home from work, the least you can do is come to the table.  Periodically, I will let you eat at your desk, but that is not an everyday thing. Bedtime is bedtime, yes, I realize you can't pause.  No, I don't care if you get kicked from the game for a period of time.  I want to go to sleep also and 11 PM on a school night is too late, especially when I've said something every half hour for the past 2 hours.  So, if need be, I will happily sing a bedtime song right next to your mike.  I am not beyond making a fool of myself if it means you get the sleep you don't think you need. Please don't make me disconnect the modem.  My only time of relaxation is at night and I enjoy my Netflix. Love,  Mom

Becoming Self-Reliant

Recently I was visiting a new church and self reliance came up.

Such an interesting topic if you really think about it.  When most people think of self reliance they think solely of what it means to simply take care of themselves and their own needs without assistance of anything outside of their own bubble.

When I think of self reliance the same thing comes to mind, but it really goes so much further.

You see, I've been there, done that.  I've experienced too many things that really shot down my own confidence in being self reliant.  Still, I kept kicking.  If it wasn't for my children, I don't know if I could have accomplished all I have been able to.

I became dependent upon my children.  Not dependent upon them providing for me, they are too young for that.  But, they became my inspiration.  I could have laid back and taken the pity road, allowed myself to join the circle of poverty that is so prevelant.  I simply couldn't accept that.  I am greedy.  I wanted more.  I especially wanted more for my children.

I know that I'm not fully on my feet again.  I know that I will be.  I've had to take a helping hand through the "System".  That didn't mean that I did so lightly.

One of the first parts of becoming self reliant meant swallowing my ego and asking for help.  I had to look at myself, my situation, my surroundings.  I had to evaluate them.  Was I truly doing the best I could do?

My children became my inspiration.  I wanted better for them.  I wanted to be able to spoil them with kisses and love, but also I wanted to provide everything that they needed plus some.   I became dependent upon my children.  If I thought I could do no more, I'd take a look at them.  I'd listen to their stories, their dreams, their everything.

The more I depended upon those little inspirations, those smiles and kisses, the more I was able to to do.

When I was at this new church the other day, someone said (to paraphrase) that the more they came to depend on God to help them through the more self reliant they became.   As I think about that discussion, especially in retrospect, I have to smile and nod.  I can see that, and I can understand that.  You see, I think that God has been acting through my children to give me the inspiration I needed.

Mom Doesn't Know Best

Yet again, some parents are being investigated by CPS for ... allowing their children to walk go to the park alone.

This time the children are 6 and 10.

Six to me is young to being going to the park.  At the same time, this is something similar to what I've done.

A couple years ago, I would let my oldest son walk my younger son to his friend's house a few blocks away.  The deal was simple, he had to call as soon as he arrived and he had to call before he left so someone could come get him.  Fred was 10 and Thom was 8.

He wasn't allowed to cross the street alone.  My biggest concern wasn't someone snatching the boys.  It was a safe neighborhood.  Kids were always running and riding bikes around.  My biggest concern that because of Thom's height, a car may not see him.

When we were kids, in 1st and 2nd grade, we were allowed to go the park, and roam the neighborhood.  Our parents deemed it safe.  If we had lived in a different neighborhood that wasn't so safe, I don't doubt my parents would have said no.

Today, my mother watches the kids after school.  They are not allowed to play outside without supervision.  Emma has friends in the neighborhood, but still, she isn't allowed.  Emma is 8.  The reason is that she is afraid it isn't safe.

The world has changed.  Or rather, attitudes have changed.

Twenty years ago, you rarely heard about the things that happened two towns over, much less in another state.   Now, we constantly hear it.  We are inundated with it.

My aunt was a social worker in small town Pennsylvania.  I don't remember much about what she did, but I do remember from time to time having to go on a late night run to check on a report or neglect or abuse.  This type of thing happened then also.  Our world isn't safer or less safe.  We are more informed.  And, sometimes that knowledge does not add to better our lives, but instead hinders us and makes us fearful.

Commuting Thoughts - Birth Certificates and Race

My Daughter Has An IPad

The economy today is horrific.  There is no denying it.  Families all over the country are finding themselves with little or no savings.  Most are only a paycheck or two away from homelessness themselves.

It seems that everyday I read another article online about another family online who is willing to be the brunt of an article.  They are willing to open themselves up to the criticism that they know will follow.  

Today's article (A Day in the Life of a Family of 6 Trying to Survive on Fast Food Wages)  featured in the New York Magazine is about a family in Texas.  Four of the family members work in fast food.  Dad is ill, Mom works two jobs, and two of the high school daughters also work.  They live in a small apartment.  

When I read these articles, I always take the time to look at the comments that people have left.  Inevitably there is the comments about having too many children.  What got me today was the other comments that are so common.  They have an iPod.  

Oh no!  How dare they have something for entertainment!

Take a step back now please... when was the last time you saw an iPod?  There aren't that many being used anymore.  Most of the iPods out there are old, many scratched up, and still many more sitting in a drawer doing nothing.  I know that a lot of people think that this family should take that little iPod and pawn it or sell it some other way.  For all of you out there, is the $10 or $15 worth it?  Is it worth to sell this trinket, a bit of normality and entertainment, for what wouldn't even amount to a family meal?

You see, my daughter has an iPad.  Not an iPod like this family, but an actual iPad.  It's a first generation one without any camera and most of the newer apps won't work on it because it can't be upgraded anymore.  Her iPad was a gift for her 8th birthday last September.  It's not the greatest and it dosen't always charge correctly, but she loves it.  

Last weekend I took her to the pawn shop with me.  She was going to trade in her iPad and with a few dollars savings that she had saved up wanted to get one with a camera.  They offered us $15 for her little iPad.  The next step up would be almost $200.  Needless to say, that was a lot more than this little girl of 8 had saved up and a lot more than Momma could afford to add to her savings.  She choose to keep her beloved iPad.  

I know that people question how I could possibly justify her having an iPad when I make barely over minimum wage myself.  I justify it simply as it gives her enjoyment.  They don't need to know that it was a gift or that selling it would only merit $15.  

My daughter sacrifices a lot already.  The five of us live in a two bedroom apartment.  The boys have a room and us girls share a room.  Only last month was I able to find a cot I could afford so that all three of us girls aren't sharing one bed.  Emma has her own bed again, it's a camping cot with some old couch cushions on it to make it a little more comfy.  She will lounge on it as if she's queen of the world with her precious iPad watching videos on YouTube or playing a game of MineCraft.  

Judge me if you will as you judge these families, but a $15 dollar dinner isn't worth it to me to take away a small luxury from my daughter.  

She's keeping her iPad, so go ahead and judge me like you do these other families.  It's okay.  I'm a Momma Bear, I can handle it.

When Your Car Is No Longer Worth Fixing

"We have to stop meeting like this."

Those were the words out of my favorite mechanic's mouth.  Once again, my little Sebring was in at the autoshop for repairs.  This time, the engine light was on steady and it was making a horrifying sound.

It turns out that a gasket on the oil pan had gone bad.  That nice new oil change I had a month ago was worthless.  My car had no oil left in it.  

This marked the $3500 mark in repairs since I bought the car in March and my little Sebring was not worth that much.  Actually, I doubt it was even worth the $2000 I paid for it in  only 9 months ago.  At this rate, I could have been making a car payment for something a little newer and sturdier.  But, my little precious Anika loved her purple Sebring.  And, quite frankly I figured there was no way I could possibly afford anything better.  

Still, I paid the $400 for yet another repair with the promise to myself that I wouldn't be meeting my mechanic with another problem for months.  

Driving the next few days, I realized.  I can baby the car all I want, but it wasn't going to last through the year.  Even if it did, my precious Sebring had become a money pit.

Enter ... Greeway Dodge.  I brought my little car in there and they took care of me.  The first night I went, I really nice salesman by the name of Cody helped me.  I told him I didn't want to test drive, just look around.  He took his time showing me my options, listening to my concerns and especially my needs.  The next day, I came back.  Another salesman helped me this time, but we went straight for the car that Cody recommended to me.  A beautifully kept 2005 Buick Terraza.

Even so, it was hard saying goodbye to my little Sebring.  Now, though I have my new car.  It fits all the kids and there is no more "She's touching me" going on.

She knew a young man

Who since he was a tyke

Liked to dance and sing

He liked music so much …

He’d dance so much

He broke his bed

The house would shake

As the volume went up

He’d beatbox to his own music

Listening to it in his head

Making a world all through the sound

Though Momma would say,

“Quiet down now!”

She secretly smiled

At his strange sound

But they weren’t just sounds

And Momma knew

It was the music shining through

So sing and dance

And let the music play

Fill your world my young man

With the music of your own day

Open Letter In Response to "Dear White Moms"

Dear Moms Everywhere,

I read a letter today in the Huffington Post, and it is a letter I think we all needed to read.  So, please take a moment, and read "Dear White Moms".

Why?  Because, we need to all unite to stop this madness.

I am tired.

I am tired of hearing about how an unarmed child has been shot or beat up by those who we raise them to respect and go to for help.

I am tired of this being a race issue.  It shouldn't be.  It is an issue for all of us moms everywhere in this country.  This effects us all.

I am tired of all our children learning to fear police instead of looking to them for comfort and protection.

I am an American.  I try to raise my children as Americans.  Not as "white" Americans.  I want to raise them to not see others as being different, lesser, privileged or more equal,

Perhaps now we are hearing more and more about these horrific cases because of the Internet.  If so, then... Good.  We need to know.

We all need to know that this is happening.  If we don't know, if we insulate ourselves in our "clean" suburbs, behind the doors of McMansions, and gated communities, then we we are part of the problem.

I want as much as any other mom to protect my child from the horrors of war.  But, that is what we have.  It is a war.

It is a war on all of our children.  Our children are learning to not trust those who they should feel safe to go to for help.  If our children run to a police officer, will they be shot.  If their friends are in need of help, will they be afraid because of the color of their skin.

If we as moms everywhere don't unite and find a way to stop this madness, then it will continue and it will get worse.  All of our children will suffer.

I implore all of you.  All of you moms and dads, let's fight this.  No more should die because of this war on our children.

Let us not turn a blind eye to abuses on our children.  Let's speak up and insist that our children whether they be black, white, hispanic, mixed, or of any race be treated with the respect that they as human beings deserve.

Signed,
An American Mom

Grasping for Puzzle Pieces

My sons are on the autism spectrum.

That's a fact.

Recently, I met a number of other moms that have children that I recognize are on the spectrum.  They aren't willing to say it out loud, but I could see it in their eyes and hear it in their voices.  I met their children, and I knew.

Something about me must have let them know it's okay to talk about sensory swings, and styming, missing communication and tactile sensitivies.

As we talked, I came to realize, they are searching for that puzzle piece, the one that would make the puzzle of autism complete.  And, they were looking at me for that missing piece.

They've met my Thomman.  My heart and joy.  Thomman didn't speak at one time, or rather his speach was such that it wasn't.  Thomman once spun in circle after circle to the point that we drew spinning circles on the carport floor that he was allowed to spin in safely.

We read the articles, saw the specialist, bought so many specialized things, all in the hopes that that one thing or that one doctor would be the missing puzzle piece.

But, in the end, I came to realize, there was no missing puzzle piece.  Thom is complete the way he is.

He's my pride and my joy.  He may still spin, and styme and be more senstive to the outside world than other kids, but he is complete.

I love you Thom!

The New School Year and the Dreaded Lice

It's a new school year.  The summer is over, and kids are heading back to school.

It's so exciting, and then ...

Lice!  But, it's too soon in the school year.

Sadly, it's not.

I noticed Emma was itching her head.  That didn't seem right, she just washed it and she doesn't have a problem ...

Wait...

What is that?

As I looked closely at her head, I saw the dreaded "It".

It is a louse.

One, just one, that's all it takes, and now the regimine must begin.

Emma has hair down past her waist, and she likes to wear it down.  This means that her hair has a habit of flying everywhare and getting on everything.  And, the first week of school, it also meant, she picked up a louse off of a classmate.

For the next four hours, Emma sat on the floor as I carefully combed through her hair.

Checking...  Searching...  Combining... and going cross-eyed.

The hair was combed and after last year's experience with lice, I skipped the Rid and went straight for the olive oil.  I oiled her hair down thoroughly, combining it all out carefully and then braided it.  I only found two lice, but that's more than enough to warrent a full delousing in my book.

Ten long thin braids, and my off to bed.

The next day to be spent washing every pillow and sheet that could have possibly touched her head.  All brushes and combs will be soaked in alcohol for the rest of the school year, and the weekly lice checks will commence.

Yeap, the new school year is here.  And, sadly, so are the dreaded lice.

I hate bugs!

Anika, the Nail Polish(ed) Kitten

My darling daughter, Anika, was at it again.

Tonight, she decided to paint herself up as a kitty kat.  The little girl locked herself in my bedroom and painted herself using brown nailpolish.

"Oh no!".

 Removing nail polish from arms or legs would be one thing.  I could use some standard nail polish remover, but her face ... well, you don't want to use nail polish remover on a toddler's face, especially so closer to their eyes.

Once again, baby oil to the rescue.

Put some baby oil on a wash cloth or other soft cloth (not too smooth).  It takes a bit of rubbing, but it comes off fairly easily.

Of course, I had to create a little video of our little Anika and posted it on YouTube.  I couldn't help myself.  I'm sure other mom's have run into this, so I had to share.  (Removing Baby Oil From Skin)

She will always keep me on my toes :)

Random Thoughts about the Stay-at-Home Mom

This is an excerpt from an old post of mine from a different site.  I was thinking about this today, and realize, sometimes, my thoughts just don't really change on topics.  Other times they do.  

January 30, 2009 - Random thoughts from an overheard comment

January 30, 2009 at 10:53pm

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Okay, it's not nice to eavesdrop. I know that, you know that, pretty much everyone knows that. But if people don't want you overhearing their conversations they should go someplace private or shut their door, especially at the office.

I find it curious, why do some professional women find that they have to be so critical of other women who choose to stay at home, either as a house wife or stay at home mom. Personally as a working mom, I give kuddos to those stay at homes. I know a few and their job is just as demanding as mine, perhaps, in ways, more so.

So, I was sitting at my desk, and a female professional who I am near starts talking on the phone. No biggie. Then she starts going on and on about how this old friend of hers is now a house wife and she can't understand how she could waste herself doing that. Sometimes it takes everything I have to not do one of a couple things. 1. go shut their door or 2. open my mouth and comment.

Here's my feelings. Of the stay at home types I know, well, okay, I'm jealous, and I'm not too big to admit it. If the economy wasn't what it was, I'd do everything I can to be among your ranks.

...

As for the stay at homes, well, they don't have it easy either. They work hard, keeping things in order, juggling children and schedules and the house... let me tell you, when the kids are home all day, the house does take a beating. How they do it, I honestly don't know. Many do so much more too, maybe take a class or volunteer work of one sort or another. Most of the stay at home moms I've met have multiple children. These are some brilliant women too. I don't think that their skills are wasted. Children are the greatest gift there is.

Two of the finest stay at homes I've ever met, never made me feel guilty about being a working mom. Both have/had three children, some with special needs. If you've never had a child with special needs you may not realize how much research goes into it.

I remember Jessica so clearly. Jessica was a good friend who passed away of cancer several years ago. She was a stay at home mom who home schooled. Her kids knew her love and she gave them it all. Jessica could schedule the three kids and all their various medical appointments (the oldest two had a multitude of special needs). Right up to the end, I don't think she ever let on how scared she was, or let them see her cry. They'd bring their school work to the hospital (somehow she continued to home school, something she believed in with all her being as being best for her children). They were social kids, they had friends, they were intelligent and well spoken, and well, were just great kids. Jessica was brilliant, probably one of those who if they took the test would have been a Mensan. She could have been anything she wanted to be or done anything she wanted to. I'm sure that there were those out there that judged her for staying home. Some who thought she was wasting herself on what would only be a few years of the kids being home (though honestly how many careers last 18+ years).

When people make comments about stay at home moms, I think of Jessica. Her life was not wasted. She loved staying home with her children. She loved teaching them. She had a lasting affect on so many lives that go past the nuclear family. ... If it wasn't for Jessica and how she advocated so for her children, how she encouraged [me], I wouldn't be half the mom I am today.

I am by no means perfect. I know my tongue slips at times and I say the wrong thing without meaning to. I am not the perfect mom. I make my share of mistakes.

So, I guess what I'm saying is, if you want to put down those moms/women who choose to stay home, whether it be as a house wife or a stay at home mom, think a moment. These women do not make female equality any less. I think that they actually help to strengthen it. They are not less than those of us who go out of the home to work. How many working moms have "left it to the stay at home moms" to do the bake sales, or be the brownie leaders, or chaperons on field trips. If you truly felt that they were lesser than yourself, could you trust them to do those things, would you even want them to?

I Am Not SuperMom

The other night I met a new neighbor.  Well, not really new, he's lived in the same complex as me at least as long as I have.  Still, it was the first time that I actually met him.

One of my "girls' upstairs decided to say hello to a neighbor in one of the buildings next to us.  Since I was with her, I got the opportunity to say hello and introduce myself as well.

He made a funny quip about there being an elevator between the upstairs and downstairs apartments in our building since we are all visiting each other constantly.  I suppose it must seem like that :)  We do have a great time enjoying each others company.

I said that I'm just the "crazy" downstairs neighbor with the four kids.  He called me "SuperMom".

Wow!  What a compliment coming from a stranger.  He's seen us all hanging out, seen me interacting with the kids and looks at me as being something more than just a nutty neighbor with a bunch of kids.

Thing is, I'm no SuperMom.

I'm just a mom, like thousands of other mothers out there.  I love my kids, try my hardest to do the best I can by them and try to maintain some semblance of myself as being more than just Momma.

SuperMom would be incredible, but her house wouldn't look like a tornado ransacked the inside, otherwise known as my darling daughter "Hurricane" Anika.  SuperMom's wouldn't ever loose her cool because she just stepped on a bunch of Legos that were left in the middle of the bedroom floor.  SuperMom would always have excellent well balanced meals that everyone sat nicely and politely ate at the table.

No, I'm not SuperMom, but I appreciate the compliment.

His Father Forgot His Birthday

A Walk to the Park

The other day, I wrote about my son asking to stay the afternoon with his big brother and that the reason I wouldn't allow him to wasn't that I felt he could handle it but it was out of fear that I would be judged as putting my children in danger by allowing them to be kids and hang out together.  I am sure that more than a few people thought I was overreacting.  As parents, don't we know our kids best.  We would know if our kids were able to watch over themselves, fix themselves a sandwich and be safe.

Today, there was an article in the Orlando Sentinel about a mom who has been arrested for allowing her child to go to the park a half mile from home. (Florida Mom Arrested After Son Walked to Park)

Perhaps I wasn't just being paranoid about others views of parenting.

I live in Florida, and even this one caught me off.  You see, in Florida, not all districts bus kids to their local school if that school is within 2 walking miles from home.  Florida considers it safe enough to tell parents that their children can walk to school for 2 miles and across busy intersections with very few crossing guards.  Oh, and in case you are wondering, that includes kindergarten students.  I am not exaggerating on either.  We lived in Palm Beach County, one of the richest counties in the state of Florida, and the school district would not pay to bus kids.  In fact, we lived 3 houses east of the very busy Highway US1 and just under 2 miles from the elementary school (around 1 1/2 miles from the local middle school).  Every morning, the elementary kids would be driven to school.  Then, Fred, who was in middle school would take his bike and ride along and across US1, then again across Southern Boulevard on his way to school.  These are not empty streets.  This was in the heart of West Palm Beach and during the same hours that hundreds of commuters were on their way to their prospective jobs.

How is it that they can say, it is perfectly safe for your 5 or 6 year old to walk almost 2 miles to school, but it is not safe for them to walk a half mile (with a cell phone) to a local park to play with friends.  Seems like a double standard to me.  Or rather a bottom line economics.  It also gives very mixed messages to the parents and children.  How do I tell my 7, 8 or 9 year old that they can't go to the park to play because it's not safe for them to go alone that 1/2 mile, but that it is perfectly fine for them to walk a mile or more past the same park to go to school.

Wake up and let us parents be parents.  This mother judged her son to be responsible to walk and play with friends a shorter distance away than the school would have him walk to school. This mother provided her son with a cell phone to stay in touch.  If anything she was being responsible.

I guess my fear wasn't so unfounded after all.

   

Mom... Can I stay home today?

"Mom, can I stay home today by myself?"

"No, dear you cannot."

"Why not?  If there's a problem, I can go upstairs to [the neighbor]."

My son is 9 years old.  Next week, in fact is his birthday and he will be 10.

When we were kids it would have been nothing to stay home for a few hours at 10 by ourselves.  Many of us grew up coming home from school, fixing ourselves snacks, and hanging out with our friends until our parents came home from work.

Why is today so different from then?

Honestly, I know my boys and I feel that my 12 and 9 year old boys would be just fine for a few hours on their own.  I know that they wouldn't go anywhere, and that if there was a problem, that they would go right upstairs to our neighbor or they would call their grandmother or myself.  I can see it now, I'd come home to a sink full of dishes and the an open jug of milk will be left on the counter.

So, why don't I let them?  Why do I instead hover over and say, "Oh, no!"

I'll tell you honestly, it's fear.  Not fear of any trouble my boys may get into, but fear of losing them if I left them alone for an afternoon to watch over themselves.  Fear that even though I know I need to teach them how to take care of themselves and be responsible for themselves that I am not allowed to do just that.  I am not allowed to use my best judgment in raising my children.

Here we are, a society that says at 18, a child is magically transported to adulthood and needs to know, understand and be proficient at all the rules and responsibilities of being a grown-up.... yet, we are not allowed to teach our children what those responsibilities are.  We are not allowed to let them be kids and learn be on their own.  It's a slow process, not a fast one.  And, for me, I'm not talking about leaving him home all day, he just wanted an afternoon.  One afternoon to just hang out with just him and his big brother, doing brotherly bonding over computer games.  I know it, and still I have to say no.

Sorry, baby, Momma isn't going to let you  have an afternoon of boy-time with your brother because Momma doesn't have any desire to go to jail or risk having the state take you away.