Since the election, I hear a lot about "snowflakes" and adults acting like "children" for being upset about the election.  Here's a little something for you to consider as we continue to talk to our children about the election. 

My daughter has a half brother, who is absolutely adorable and handsome and smart. He is also a quarter Cuban. No big deal, right? Except, that she was afraid her brother would be deported. Her brother who was born here in the US to US citizens. Her brother who has a very respectable grandfather who came to this country and made a good and honest life for himself. She was afraid that Trump would send her brother away and build a wall. 

So, when I worry about how this election has affected our children, take heart, there is a reason, and it is very personal. Her name is Anika and she is 5 years old. She is a child and she cried. I explained to her that no one would ever be sending her brother away or kicking him out of the country. She doesn't understand what a country is. She doesn't understand that there are different religions. She doesn't understand that there are different races. She understands that she loves her brother dearly.

Yes, I understand that President-Elect Trump is not building a wall.  I understand that he is not deporting American citizens.  But, our children don't always understand.  It may takes days, weeks, or even months for them to come to us with their fears or concerns.  

Answer them truthfully, but keep in mind they are children.  And, the thing they first need to know is that you love them and that you will protect them no matter what they may see on the news, or in the schools.

I will continue to teach my children love and respect for ALL people, regardless of race or creed. And, when my children grow up, they will continue that legacy.

Mom Doesn't Know Best

Yet again, some parents are being investigated by CPS for ... allowing their children to walk go to the park alone.

This time the children are 6 and 10.

Six to me is young to being going to the park.  At the same time, this is something similar to what I've done.

A couple years ago, I would let my oldest son walk my younger son to his friend's house a few blocks away.  The deal was simple, he had to call as soon as he arrived and he had to call before he left so someone could come get him.  Fred was 10 and Thom was 8.

He wasn't allowed to cross the street alone.  My biggest concern wasn't someone snatching the boys.  It was a safe neighborhood.  Kids were always running and riding bikes around.  My biggest concern that because of Thom's height, a car may not see him.

When we were kids, in 1st and 2nd grade, we were allowed to go the park, and roam the neighborhood.  Our parents deemed it safe.  If we had lived in a different neighborhood that wasn't so safe, I don't doubt my parents would have said no.

Today, my mother watches the kids after school.  They are not allowed to play outside without supervision.  Emma has friends in the neighborhood, but still, she isn't allowed.  Emma is 8.  The reason is that she is afraid it isn't safe.

The world has changed.  Or rather, attitudes have changed.

Twenty years ago, you rarely heard about the things that happened two towns over, much less in another state.   Now, we constantly hear it.  We are inundated with it.

My aunt was a social worker in small town Pennsylvania.  I don't remember much about what she did, but I do remember from time to time having to go on a late night run to check on a report or neglect or abuse.  This type of thing happened then also.  Our world isn't safer or less safe.  We are more informed.  And, sometimes that knowledge does not add to better our lives, but instead hinders us and makes us fearful.

Open Letter In Response to "Dear White Moms"

Dear Moms Everywhere,

I read a letter today in the Huffington Post, and it is a letter I think we all needed to read.  So, please take a moment, and read "Dear White Moms".

Why?  Because, we need to all unite to stop this madness.

I am tired.

I am tired of hearing about how an unarmed child has been shot or beat up by those who we raise them to respect and go to for help.

I am tired of this being a race issue.  It shouldn't be.  It is an issue for all of us moms everywhere in this country.  This effects us all.

I am tired of all our children learning to fear police instead of looking to them for comfort and protection.

I am an American.  I try to raise my children as Americans.  Not as "white" Americans.  I want to raise them to not see others as being different, lesser, privileged or more equal,

Perhaps now we are hearing more and more about these horrific cases because of the Internet.  If so, then... Good.  We need to know.

We all need to know that this is happening.  If we don't know, if we insulate ourselves in our "clean" suburbs, behind the doors of McMansions, and gated communities, then we we are part of the problem.

I want as much as any other mom to protect my child from the horrors of war.  But, that is what we have.  It is a war.

It is a war on all of our children.  Our children are learning to not trust those who they should feel safe to go to for help.  If our children run to a police officer, will they be shot.  If their friends are in need of help, will they be afraid because of the color of their skin.

If we as moms everywhere don't unite and find a way to stop this madness, then it will continue and it will get worse.  All of our children will suffer.

I implore all of you.  All of you moms and dads, let's fight this.  No more should die because of this war on our children.

Let us not turn a blind eye to abuses on our children.  Let's speak up and insist that our children whether they be black, white, hispanic, mixed, or of any race be treated with the respect that they as human beings deserve.

Signed,
An American Mom

Grasping for Puzzle Pieces

My sons are on the autism spectrum.

That's a fact.

Recently, I met a number of other moms that have children that I recognize are on the spectrum.  They aren't willing to say it out loud, but I could see it in their eyes and hear it in their voices.  I met their children, and I knew.

Something about me must have let them know it's okay to talk about sensory swings, and styming, missing communication and tactile sensitivies.

As we talked, I came to realize, they are searching for that puzzle piece, the one that would make the puzzle of autism complete.  And, they were looking at me for that missing piece.

They've met my Thomman.  My heart and joy.  Thomman didn't speak at one time, or rather his speach was such that it wasn't.  Thomman once spun in circle after circle to the point that we drew spinning circles on the carport floor that he was allowed to spin in safely.

We read the articles, saw the specialist, bought so many specialized things, all in the hopes that that one thing or that one doctor would be the missing puzzle piece.

But, in the end, I came to realize, there was no missing puzzle piece.  Thom is complete the way he is.

He's my pride and my joy.  He may still spin, and styme and be more senstive to the outside world than other kids, but he is complete.

I love you Thom!

His Father Forgot His Birthday

Mom... Can I stay home today?

"Mom, can I stay home today by myself?"

"No, dear you cannot."

"Why not?  If there's a problem, I can go upstairs to [the neighbor]."

My son is 9 years old.  Next week, in fact is his birthday and he will be 10.

When we were kids it would have been nothing to stay home for a few hours at 10 by ourselves.  Many of us grew up coming home from school, fixing ourselves snacks, and hanging out with our friends until our parents came home from work.

Why is today so different from then?

Honestly, I know my boys and I feel that my 12 and 9 year old boys would be just fine for a few hours on their own.  I know that they wouldn't go anywhere, and that if there was a problem, that they would go right upstairs to our neighbor or they would call their grandmother or myself.  I can see it now, I'd come home to a sink full of dishes and the an open jug of milk will be left on the counter.

So, why don't I let them?  Why do I instead hover over and say, "Oh, no!"

I'll tell you honestly, it's fear.  Not fear of any trouble my boys may get into, but fear of losing them if I left them alone for an afternoon to watch over themselves.  Fear that even though I know I need to teach them how to take care of themselves and be responsible for themselves that I am not allowed to do just that.  I am not allowed to use my best judgment in raising my children.

Here we are, a society that says at 18, a child is magically transported to adulthood and needs to know, understand and be proficient at all the rules and responsibilities of being a grown-up.... yet, we are not allowed to teach our children what those responsibilities are.  We are not allowed to let them be kids and learn be on their own.  It's a slow process, not a fast one.  And, for me, I'm not talking about leaving him home all day, he just wanted an afternoon.  One afternoon to just hang out with just him and his big brother, doing brotherly bonding over computer games.  I know it, and still I have to say no.

Sorry, baby, Momma isn't going to let you  have an afternoon of boy-time with your brother because Momma doesn't have any desire to go to jail or risk having the state take you away.