Thanks for Lunch

Every so often, I indulge in lunch out of the office.  Either I don't bring my lunch with me to work, or I decide that I want something different.  It doesn't happen that often, but it does happen.

I ordered this yummy looking sandwich, a salad, soda and a cookie.  The staff over at Panera is always so polite and helpful, they make me want to come into their establishment for lunch.  Yet, this same lunch that they are taking the time to fix for me,  they are not being paid enough to order for themselves.  

I am not terribly well paid, so Panera is a big treat for me.  I figure that after taxes are taken out, it amounts to an hour of my work time to pay for a lunch out like the one I had today.  Yet, most employees at lunch counters or other fast food type restaurants are making significantly less than me.  

Talk about an eye opening moment.    

I know that there has been a lot in the news lately about raising the minimum wage.  I think it's a good thing.  I know that I may catch some grief about that, but oh well.  

If we think about fairness and equality, well, it only makes sense.  A lot of people will say though, well, let them find a better job.  But, what if that is the only job they have been able to find.  Others will say, it would hurt businesses to raise the minimum wage.  

I say, take a look at cities and other municipalities that have raised the minimum wage.  The mom and pop shops are still there, and business is booming in those areas.  Unemployment is down and jobs are a plenty.  Most people seem to be doing better overall.

I wouldn't mind spending a few extra cents or a quarter or even a little more than that if it meant that the employees were paid more.  It wouldn't hurt my pocketbook, but it certainly would help that nice gentleman behind the counter who was so nice to me today.  Maybe, just maybe, it would me he also could afford the luxury of taking a lunch out now and again and letting someone serve him.  Or, it could mean something else that he would be able to afford, thus adding to the overall economy.

I think of his smile and kind attitude.  I can tell he wasn't always in this line of work.  Maybe once upon a time he also worked in a nice office job and would go down the street to pick up a lunch now and again.  But, for whatever reason, he is where he is now.  

So, next time you run across the street to grab a little lunch, take a moment, think about that person across the counter from you.  Maybe you can't make them pay them more, but, at least you can give them a smile and be courteous.  They are offering you a service that oftentimes they cannot afford for themselves.

Thanks to all the hard working people out there that do those little jobs.  It does mean a lot to others when you have a smile for us or a friendly word.

Child's Play

I recently read the article Apartment Complex Bans Kids From Playing Outside about an apartment complex in California.  As a parent, I find this shocking.  I would understand this for "Adult Only" complexes, and definitely with playing in hallways and stairwells.  But, outside?

I have seen this also close to where I live in Florida.  My parents live in an apartment complex that has a lot of 2 and 3 bedroom units.  Recently, my mom told me that the kids were no longer allowed to play in the large courtyards when they visited.  I was shocked, especially since I was getting ready to move and was seriously considering the same complex.

My parents' complex was perfect for a young family.  Small "villa" style apartments.  Each group of apartments surrounding a courtyard.  Throughout the complex there are several of these groupings.  It is a beautifully maintained complex.  This was a complex that really was designed for families, but has evidently decided that they don't want them anymore.  Or rather, they don't want the young kids that need to get outdoors and play.

As a mother, I want my children to go outside and play.  I encourage it.  We have bikes and scooters, and other small outside toys to encourage getting out and being active.  I even have a little put-put golf set for them to play with outside.  We always pick up our outside toys after playing and put them away.

I understand no playing in hallways or blocking sidewalks.  I definitely understand teaching your children to be polite and courteous.  But, keep it real.  Children need to play.  That is, of course, unless we want to raise a generation of overweight children who don't know how to enjoy life without electronics.

Good parenting doesn't mean a perfect, quiet, neat child. One of the many things that comes with good parenting though is teaching our children respect and when they can and can't just cut loose.  It is important that children have a place that they can just be a kid.  Kids need to know that they can just let go and be a kid.  A great place for that is at home.

How to Clean Scissors with Baby Oil

Our Flawed Body Image

A couple weeks ago, Emma looked at me and said "Momma, you need to lose some weight."  It was a statement, completely out of the blue.  It also threw me completely off balance.

Emma is only 7 years old.  Even at such a young age, society has had an impact on what a person should look like.  Emma is not a heavy girl.  In fact, she is very tall and slender.  Statements like this worry me.   Does she worry about getting "fat"?  I hope not.  I am more worried about her being a healthy weight for her height.

I am not heavy.  Actually, I'm pretty happy with my size and weight.  I'm 5 1/2 feet tall and wear a size 6/7.  Not bad for a mom of four children.  I do have a mommy pouch.  It's not something I will go around showing off in a bikini, but it is there.

Children today, even young children, are being bombarded with "image" pressure.  Everyone should have a flat belly and be thin with perfect proportions.  Their skin tone should be even and smooth.  Everything should be perfect.  And, if it isn't?  Then, they need to change it.  That is what are little girls are learning.  We need to teach our children that there really are lots of different body types and that our bodies change over time.  I am not just talking about puberty but the changes that also occur as we get older.

Little girls know that one day they will grow up and develop.  Our society, however, has this idea that women should always retain that late teen, early 20's shape.  In reality, very few women retain much of a semblance to that shape throughout their lives.

I want my girls to be healthy.  I also want them to be happy with who they are and their individual body shapes.  They may grow up to be slender, or they may be a little more solid in build, but if they are happy and healthy, that is really what counts.

Dealing with the "System"

I hate admitting it, but it's true.

My kids are on Medicaid.  I can't afford insurance and my employer doesn't offer any.  Once upon a time I had good insurance, but those days are long gone.

It took me forever to get them finally covered, months with knowing you can't take afford a doctor is devastating.  It makes you feel like you are a horrid parent.

Everyone says that there is all this help out there.  Well, I don't know where, because I've certainly run upon roadblock upon roadblock.

Today, once again I tried to make my youngest son an appointment with a pediatrician.  I need to take him to the doctor.  He's healthy right now.  I think.  I don't know.  You don't always know what's going on with autism.  For you "autie" parents out there, you understand what I am saying.  Now, imagine, my son hasn't seen a single doctor since January.  For a child with special needs that is too long.  The last time he was to the doctor was for chicken pox.  (Yes, he had been vaccinated, and still got a minor case of it.)

The only pediatrician's office I could find won't make an appointment because his previous pediatrician has yet to transfer the records.  This is after I waited over a month while trying to sort out the whole Medicaid business.  Medicaid was saying they had insurance, too bad they didn't.  So, I sit and wait again.  Knowing, wondering, is he okay?  I know he's been zoning out more lately.  I know he seems to have trouble hearing as well.  I really want these things looked at.  But, alas, I find myself facing that horrid truth.  I jumped through all their hoops so that my children would have the coverage, and I still can't get them in to see a pediatrician.

The system is broken.  I am a working mom.  I work hard.  I try my best to take care of my children.  But, I can't afford to do it all.  I wish I could.  I make just enough money that I personally get no coverage, and just enough that I will get fined for not having coverage, yet not enough to be able to afford any coverage for myself.

The thing is, I could "use" the system and take "advantage" of the system.  But, I refuse.  I will not lie.  I will not quit my job and live totally off of it.  I will not go out and find a lesser position with no future so that I can have coverage.

This economy and everything I have seen over the past number of years has taught me to swallow my pride.  So, I do.  But, the last piece of pride I refuse to give up is the pride in knowing I have tried.  I know I have tried to work a decent job so I can afford to take care of my children.  One day I hope to be back to where I don't need the help.  I dream of that day.  I know I will reach it, but for now I need a helping hand.  I used to think that the "system" was there for people who needed it, that it was supposed to be a way to help out in times of trouble.  Now, I know that too often, the only way you get the help is if you stop trying to better yourself and your family and accept that you are a "nobody", a "bottom feeder", and "not worth anything better".

Problem is, I can't accept that.  So, I will wonder, why?  Why is the system so broke that when someone needs the help that they can't get it?  Why do you have to stop trying to better yourself and pull yourself back up on your feet to get "help"?

It is only too true, that in some ways the "system" rewards people for not trying.  If I made just a little less money, I could qualify for food stamps for my family.  If I make less I could receive coverage too through the state and would be able to see a much needed doctor.  If I made less money, even if I didn't receive state coverage for me, I could afford a periodic doctor visit for myself, if only I made less money, took a lesser job than what I can do, and took advantage of the "system" as it stands.  Too bad that is not in my personality to do.  This is a challenge too many people face today.

We need to make changes to the system.  We need to make sure that this inbetween stage of not completely poverty, but not "middle class" is given assistance to bring themselves to a point where they can take care of their families.  It shouldn't be an all or nothing prospect.

Bipolar Relationship

When you are in a relationship with someone who is bipolar the feelings of being overwhelmed can be so intense.  There are those happy times when everything is good.  Or, so it seems.  You try to always look on the good side, the happy things.

These past couple weeks have been a real eye opener for me.  Everything depends on me.  It felt like it did before, but now, it's even more so.  When Tony was around, I could talk to him.  He may not always understand, and he always had that twist that everything was fine and would work out.  But, he's not here.  I can talk to him once a day for 15 minutes on the phone.  During that time, he doesn't want to hear the bad or that I can't make it here.  He only wants to hear how I will be sitting here waiting for him.  That I will take every penny I can find and give it to rent so that maybe we will have a place to live in another couple months.
My logical brain is screaming.  NO!!!!  If I put every cent I can into rent, then maybe, just maybe there will be enough.  That is if I can sell all these lizards, and somehow potty train a 2 year old (including night-time), oh, and that we don't need anything like toilet paper.

Still, I am supposed to clean up this house, pack up everything I can, sell everything I can, take care of the kids, all the while being the good other half and keeping up the smiling face.  Oh, don't forget to make calls, figure out what's going on with everything, and do all this alone.

Ah, I'm sure you are now thinking, why doesn't she just leave?  Why did she stay so long?  That's hard to answer all the time.  Perhaps I have a dependent personality.  I don't know.  Maybe my rose colored glasses got painted over instead of just tinted.  But, Tony is a loving father to the children.  I believe in keeping family together if at all possible.  I have a strong conviction that mental illness is not so much different from medical illness.  You wouldn't leave someone because they were medically sick?  Is it wrong to leave them because they are mentally ill?

I don't have the strength or energy to take care of him, and our family, and I failed miserably at trying to do it.   I feel that I am the one who failed because I couldn't catch all the manic episodes.  I cannot blame him for being bipolar.  Still, I couldn't make him take his meds all the time or follow-up with the doctors he needed to.  I couldn't control him finding ways to spend money on things we didn't need.  I couldn't help but want to believe that I could trust him to tell me the truth always.  Too bad, bipolar can be so delusional.

Unfortunately, the delusions of someone who is bipolar can effect everyone around them.  You will want to believe them, and that it is reality.  Instead, you can't.  I do love Tony with all my heart.  But, my mind knows I cannot trust the bipolar.

Bipolar Consquences

Those who know me know that I consider mental health issues the same as someone may consider any other medical issue.  Still, there are consequences.  Even with medical issues, if you do something you shouldn't there are consequences.  The same goes for mental health problems.  Bipolar is not a free pass, the price must be paid for actions and inactions.  And, sometimes that price is steep.

Often my experience has been that the consequences are bad credit, no money left in accounts, and constant battles over priorities.  The consequences go far beyond that though.  They lead to loved ones having feelings of being overwhelmed.  And, sometimes, that very overwhelming feeling forces loved ones to have to face decisions that they don't want to make.

I love my Tony, my other half.  That is not in dispute.  He is a good man and a loving father.  He is also bipolar.  He has abrupt mood swings, and is a spendthrift.  He doesn't think about what he's spending.  And, all too often, there is nothing to show for the money that disappears.  There is always a way in his mind to pay for the necessities.  

Consequences have a way of catching up on a person.  Today, Tony, is in jail.  Yikes!  Did she just say that?  Yes, I did.  Several years ago, Tony got himself in trouble.  I'm not going to go into what happened, that is not for me to say, needless to say, he received probation and was sent on his merry way.  He just had to follow the probation guidelines and everything would be okay.  The probation should have been over years ago.  I thought it was.  He told me it was.  He even had been pulled over for speeding and everything was okay.  Or, so I thought.  Tony forgot that he didn't follow the requirements of his probation, and the results are he had to go spend some time in the county jail.  Not a good place for anyone.   Let's add to that he let his prescription lapse and hasn't seen his doctor lately so he is without his medication.

Now, our family has to pay the price.  The price is high.  Not only are we without Tony, who watched the kids so that I could work, but it turns out that he had just begun another manic episode.  This incident actually helped catch the episode so some of it can be taken care of and damage mitigated.  But, not all the damage can be undone.  Ahhhh... those pesky consequences again.

I am about to start on a journey to try to stop further damage and try (once again) to put some more structures in place to prevent damage in the future.  In the meantime, I have to determine what I need to do to keep the family safe and sound.  To keep us healthy and happy.  It's not easy to sit and wonder what to do, or even how to do it.